


Blackeye Drabbles

by Daggers_and_daisychains



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Bisexual Peepers, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Mild Angst, Our friends are wonderful idiots, Platonic Soulmates, Romance, Sort of a human au, Wander is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 18:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8633455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daggers_and_daisychains/pseuds/Daggers_and_daisychains
Summary: A series of one shots revolving around Wander and Sylvia's friendship and Commander Peepers and Sylvia's transition from enemies to awkward friends to lovers.





	1. The Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvia's pretty sure the most fun she'll ever have with Peepers is when she's beating him senseless and Commander Peepers hopes they drop off the face of the galaxy before they waste any more of his time. Also Wander tests the limits of Sylvia's patience and loyalty

Sylvia peers around the corner of a cobblestone alley and snatches a wanted poster from a nearby building. Before ducking back into the alley just as a battalion of watchdogs marches by. She takes a second to look it over, she hasn’t seen a wanted poster with her face on it in a long time. Her picture was apparently taken by some watchdog mid fight because she looks ferocious. On the poster, she’s glaring at the camera lens and her violet eyes seemed to burn with rage, but she’s smiling.  
She stands tall, long legs bent in a fighting stance one fist is pulled back and the other seems to strike out of the poster itself. A smile tugs on the edge of her lips, they’ve made her look terrifying. Her vibrant pink mo-hawk stands out against her shaved head like a warning. Her turquoise and pink shorts are torn and singed but they show off her strong toned legs. Her favorite crop top, the one that shows off long expanses of her scarred dark skin has a hole in its shoulder from a laser blast. She frowns at the poster and glances from it to her shirt.

“Hm,” she mutters, she’ll have to ask Wander to fix that when they get out of this. If they get out of this. She shakes the thought from her head and takes one last look at the fierce smile her picture gives the camera. It looks like a threat. “Go ahead and turn me in,” it says “we’ll see how that turns how for ya.”

She glances at Wander’s picture and almost laughs. It looks like he was in a photo shoot instead of getting his mugshot taken. He tips his floppy brimmed hat with one hand and gives the camera a big sunny smile that makes his big  
green eyes shine. On the page, his curly orange hair spills around his face and his other hand is buried in the pocket of his little green shorts that are practically covered by his big, furry orange sweater. She shakes her head in fond exasperation at the sight of his untied sneakers and crumples the paper in her fist along with the words:

WANTED  
for making  
HATER  
look totally stupid and other punishable by death stuff

She shoves it in the pocket of her shorts and takes a deep steadying breath, from inside the shadows of this alley the sound of marching feet is deafening. Thousands of watchdogs patrol the streets and above them, a fleet of ships piloted by watchdogs fix their eyes on the streets as they slowly fly by. She isn’t sure what to make of the watchdogs.   
She'd thought she'd understood the watchdogs and “Commander” Peepers after their first meeting, there didn't seem to be much to understand. There’s a tyrannical warlord bent on conquering the galaxy, but he’s too self-absorbed and easily manipulated to really be a threat. She wonders how he got this far if a little teasing was all it took to ruin his plans so easily. She’s teased her brothers harder than that. She'd heard about him before she and Wander saw him attacking that little pastel planet, he wasn't what she'd heard. She had figured he was a tyrannical jerk that preyed on the helpless and she’d have loved to smash his face in but he had an empire and an army. She sure as flarp wouldn’t have picked a fight.   
But Wander- Wander didn’t even need to. She smiles up at him as he swings his feet happily over her shoulders. Hater had lost any fear she’d had for him when she’d seen him frantically shoving hotdogs in his mouth. But still, she’d really rather not be tortured as one of his captives. Then there was his army, she guesses they can be terrifying with their numbers and weapons alone. But she’s seen them abandon their mission to go to the fair.   
They’d rode the Ferris wheel, played games to win plushies and shyly held each other’s hands. They're kind of cute when they aren't shoving blasters in her face. They look almost human, with varying skin tones, physiques, and features. The only thing that’s uniform is their height and their actual uniforms. They’re all short and wear big red steel-toed boots, matching red gloves and black jumpsuits with a red lightning bolt streaking across its chest in red thread. Their black helmets have a decorative but wickedly sharp bronze lightning bolt sticking out of the top of them, some are taller than others and she’s pretty sure it's a way of distinguishing rank.   
Peepers has the tallest and sharpest one she'd seen. The helmets also have a green visor that she assumes shields their eye. They all have one eye in the center of their face just above their noses. She figures it’s a race thing, but Peepers has two, even if one is an empty socket sewn shut. Speak of the “commander” she thinks caustically as his shrill voice cuts through the din of the city and into the alley where she and Wander are hidden.

“What do you mean you haven’t found them! We have posters out and you’ve got an entire army searching! How hard can it be to find some space hobos!”

She peers around the wall as far as she dares and sees him shouting at his soldiers, his posture is ramrod straight and his uniform is pressed and spotless. His helmet covers most of his face and all that she can see of it is scowling. What a stuck up, jerk! Does he do anything but suck up to Hater and bully his soldiers?

“Commander, it’s really not a big deal.” One watchdog replies with a shrug “it's not like they're actually dangerous. Well, the Zbornak might be…”

“Not a big deal!” he hisses “Not a big deal? They cost us a planet and the power of the planetary alignment! Lord Hater was playing carnival games and you absolute idiots were playing along! We need to find them and crush them!”

Sylvia bites her lip to keep laughter from escaping. She digs into her pocket and pulls out the picture of Peepers Wander took on the first day they met them. Peepers stares at the camera dumbfounded. Wander’s hat flopped over half his face his one eye wide and blinded by the flash.

Wander beams at her and fishes the camera out of his hat. Her smile drops and her eyes widen “Wander- no! We can’t- we’re crazy outnumbered and-”

Wander’s dropped from her shoulders and is skipping happily into the street before she can finish the sentence. She throws her arms up in exasperation as she races after him.

“I’m going to save him and then I’m going to kill him!”

“Group photo!” Wander cheers, throwing his arms around Peepers and the other watchdogs and making faces as he takes pictures in rapid succession. The soldiers are left clutching their eyes and blindly stumbling into each other as they search for Wander and Peepers makes a noise like a squeaky toy that has just been stepped on.  
Sylvia winks at him as she runs past relishing in the way his face turns red and his hands curl into fists, she snaps a picture at the exact moment he registers her wink and her flarp-eating grin.

“Okay, that was awesome” Sylvia reluctantly admits when she finally catches up to Wander “but we’ve really got to lay lo-”

“Let me tidy these up for ya!” Wander is gone, standing in the middle of the street in broad daylight bent over a stranger’s feet tying his shoes. “We don’t want you looking like a slob!”

Sylvia races onto the street and skids to a stop in front of a man with the head of a fly that’s proportional to his human body. His multifaceted eyes shine and he radiates the stench of garbage. Wander is smiling up at him sweetly from where he’s knelt tying his shoes. Sylvia barely suppresses the urge to bang her head against the wall. He eats trash, she wants to scream. Why would he care about looking like a slob! There’s an entire flarping army searching for us and we haven’t lost them from the last stunt you pulled! Instead, she scoops up Wander and bolts behind a dumpster.

She doesn’t even bother putting him back on the ground, she just holds him to eye level and slides a hand over his mouth. “Wander! We are wanted fugitives! There is an entire flarping army searching this town for us! We’ve gotta lay low!”

He slides from her grip and lands gracefully on his feet “Well I don’t wanna lay low” He says with a pout “When I see someone who’s a needin’--” He beams at her and bounces up and down. “I just gotta help!”

She scowls at the wall, it’d probably be easier to talk to that. “Mm.”

“It gives me this feelin’ that, starts down in my left toe.” Wander raises a sneakered foot in front of her nose and she resists the temptation to grab it and knock him to the floor. “Rises up through my guttyworks--” He continues, plopping in her lap and rubbing her stomach, “--makes my heart all warm and toasty,” He bounces up to thump a hand against his chest, well actually to his oversized orange sweater but close enough. “goes ‘ast ‘he ‘angly thing in mah ‘outh,” He says with a gaped mouth.

“Uvula.” She corrects blandly.

“And ends at the top of my head!” He finishes happily tipping his hat. Maybe she’ll just knock him out and drag his unconscious body through the city safely. “It just feels so good!” He sings and she swears he’s illuminated with angelic light.

Her scowl deepens. Wait, She pauses, that’s not Wander! That’s a flashlight! She picks up her friend and races to another alley, pressing them against the wall to avoid detection and slapping a hand over his mouth.

“Phew!” She exhales before tearing her hand away from his face and waving it around to get rid of his saliva with a cry of disgust. Wander looks up at her, his hands clasped behind his back and his chubby cherubic cheeks pushed up by his bright smile as if they’re perfectly safe. Sylvia sighs.

“Listen, I know helping folks is ‘our thing’ but unless you want to help yourself into Lord Hater’s bony hands, you’ve got to measure just how important each good deed is! Keeping yourself and your buddy out of an evil warlord’s prison? Wooohp! High!” She says raising an arm high above his head. She narrows her eyes in annoyance.

“Helping some guy tie his shoe? Booop.” She lowers herself until her hand hovered over his sneaker.“Low, way low.”

She really hopes this sinks in, it’s not that she thinks Wander is stupid he’s just got a dangerous self-sacrificial streak a mile long. Suddenly, they’re blinded by the combined light of an entire squad of watchdogs’ flashlights. They freeze her body at a strange angle, her hand hovering over Wander’s sneaker and her mouth still fixed in a perfect ‘o’. Against the blinding light, she can just make out a silhouette approaching. Peepers storms over his eye gleams and his lips curl into a triumphant grin.

“Oh flarp” she whispers, he snatches up her hand and closes manacles around it.

“Say cheese!” he says raising a camera Sylvia can’t stop the laughter that spills from her lips “Oh my glorn, that is so petty”

“Wha- I- You’re petty!” Peepers stammers. She gives the camera a one-fingered salute.

“Sylvia!” Wander cries putting his hand over his mouth like a scandalized socialite.

She swings the manacle, like a club. The camera falls from his hand in a shower of sparks and he is knocked back and left gaping, staring after them.

“Cheese” she calls back at him They take off so fast the dust they kick up leaves an image of their silhouettes hovering in the air. Most of the soldiers are crowded around Peepers fussing over him as he sputters “Cheese! I'll show her cheese!”

Sylvia doesn't look back but she can practically hear his face turning red and his mouth curling into a ridiculous pout and she laughs. She almost wants to turn around and see how far she can push him. What will the high and mighty commander be like stripped of that professionalism and pride, caught up in a silly game? But the tallest and most muscular watchdog takes off after them. He's larger than the others, he has dark skin, a darker scowl and curly black hair that peeks out from under his helmet.

“Hey, Moose!” Wander calls cheerfully, waving at him.

Sylvia bolts before Wander can make small talk, pulling him behind her as she races through the streets looking for a good place to hide. Finally, they find shelter in the darkened doorway of an abandoned house. She leans against the door breathless with laughter and adrenaline. “

That was crazy!” Wander beams at her and passes her the camera he's pulled from his hat. On the screen Peepers stares back at her his visor is shattered and his eye is so wide she can see the flecks of gold in his iris. His brown skin is overtaken with an angry flush. His mouth has fallen open in offense and shock. Behind him, his soldiers clutch their eyes and her lips curl into a proud smile.   
Wander can distract Hater and ruin his reign of terror with a song or a smile, but she can turn his Commander into an indignant stammering mess with a wicked punch and an even more wicked insult. Her smile turns into a smirk this is going to be fun! If we get out of here alive, she reminds herself practically. She scans the horizon for an escape. Her eyes settle on a round black ship decorated with lightning bolts on the top of a nearby hill. She beams.

“See that ship?” She whispers to Wander, pointing at the hill while still pressed against the side of the doorway. “I’m gonna sneak over there and hotwire it, and when I give the signal. You come runnin’ and zoom! We blast off of this rock to safety.” This will be easy.

“Just stay here and don’t call attention to yourself.” She warns. “This place is crawling with watchdogs.”

“Yes’m!” Wander says with a tip of his hat.

“Good.” She feels the tension leave her shoulders. She takes a few minutes to pick the lock on the one manacle that's still clamped around her wrist. She cautiously scans the streets before winding through them slowly and stealthily. The ship is left alone and all the watchdogs seem to give it a wide berth. She goes to open the hood but sees the keys dangling from the ignition with an ID card attached to it.

“No way,” she says, reading Peepers’s name. They're not only going to escape they're going to escape in style. She turns the key with a wicked grin and revs the engine. She searches the horizon for Wander but he's nowhere to be seen. She hits the horn again and in the distance, she sees a helmet with a giant lightning bolt turn around.

“Flarp” she mutters, but she wiggles her fingers in a wave and revs the engine as Peepers stares, aghast. Her mind fills with internal screaming but she keeps her smirk firmly in place. Where's Wander? She was following his lead with all this crazy stuff!

“I swear to glorn if he’s tying some guy’s shoe again!”

Wander bolts past chased by a watchdog, which would have been fine if he was going towards the ship. Instead, he’s running towards the street screaming-- “Ma’am, Wait!”

The watchdog, a shorter, chubbier soldier with an open almost childish face, olive skin, and a wide blue eye, chases him. He looks new and a little too eager to use his blaster. He’s getting dangerously close to grabbing Wander by the back of her sweater. Sylvia pulls back the space ship’s thrust with all she has and crashes it between the two. Chunks of concrete are flung into the air and the engine sputters and smokes.   
She leaps out and pulls the watchdog from the rubble. She holds him up by the back of his uniform and stares him in his wide terrified eye “Next time you lay a hand on Wander you won’t be there to see the rubble” she says low and slow. The watchdog gulps and his eyes water, she drops him without throwing a punch and watches him run.   
Peepers stares at her from across the street, threatening one of his soldiers on the rubble of his ship. His wide disbelieving eye meets hers and she smiles.

“Try to keep up, ‘Commander’” she teases.

He bolts from the group of watchdogs he’d managed to organize and chases after her. She stands perfectly still atop his decimated ship and crooks her fingers in invitation. She watches in amusement as in a fit of rage he charges at her and slams headlong into his own ship. She snaps a picture of him in the street, clutching his dented helmet in his hands surrounded by the scraps of his ship. She’s gone by the time his vision stabilizes. Peepers picks himself off the ground and gapes at where Sylvia had been. He has to admit, just to himself that he’s as impressed as he is exasperated.   
Wander is dangerously stupid, he has to be why else would he challenge, the galaxy's greatest warlord to carnival games?   
Yeah, the wandering weirdo is annoying, childish and stupid. He's sure of that. And Sylvia is the only reason the idiot has lived this long. He knows she’s utterly loyal and devoted to her idiot of a friend, she’d proved it when she'd punched her way through his army on that stupid little pastel planet. She’s also incredibly strong obviously, she took on an entire army single-handed before they'd run off to the fair, ugh flarp those idiots. She’s trained in combat and dangerous, but he’d thought she was as stupid as her friend.   
He’s seen them in passing a couple times since that day, he'd seen her playing tea party with what looked like a giant egg once as he flew by, the whole thing was so ridiculously hilarious to see the tough as nails Zbornak buried in a pink lace dress and scowling from beneath a frilly bonnet, they'd actually made popcorn and the whole army had gathered around the security footage to watch the terrifying warrior angrily play patty cake with an unhatched egg as a Wander bounced around the mountainside singing incessantly. And he'd seen her after Wander ruined their chance at galactic supremacy during the planetary alignment. That hadn't changed much except adding fuel to his hatred of Wander.  
But this- this changed everything, she didn’t just outwit his army when their sheer numbers alone should have terrified her into surrendering but she’d outwitted him! Him, the brains of this whole operation. She didn’t just outwit him, she ran circles around him and rubbed it in his face! She can’t do that! She can’t just slip through his fingers when he has the entire army searching the planet for them! He had her in manacles and she’d still not only gotten away but made a fool of him! But there’s only so far loyalty will go. He smiles wickedly and opens his communicator with a snap.

Sylvia turns on Wander to see what was so important that it cost them their escape.She watched in disbelief as he picks up a large flat rock and cradles it tenderly in his arms.

“A rock? You blew our escape for a rock?”

He ignores her and chases a large woman with granite skin and a headscarf.

“Excuse me, ma’am! You dropped this.” He says sweetly offering her the rock.

“I can’t believe you botched our escape plan for something as unimportant as-”

“My baby!” The woman cries, her large hands fluttering over her cheeks in gratitude and shock.

Sylvia bites her tongue, mid-lecture “Baby?”

“Baby!” Wander echoes with a delighted smile.

She watches as the rock moves stretching out tiny fists, kicking little legs and opening tiny tear stained eyes. It looks so much like an infant, it’s hard to fathom it had looked exactly like a rock seconds before. Obviously, this is a race that uses their rock-like skin to hide from and protect themselves from all the dangers of the galaxy. But how could anyone have guessed that? She knows that there are thousands of different kinds of races across the galaxy, she remembers being taught about how when the humans had taken to space and split up to explore, they’d settled on all kind of different planets and developed all kinds of different features.   
Like how her race, the Zbornax, landed on a hot planet with difficult terrain. So they're naturally stronger, with tougher skin that has more melanin so that it can take the sun’s heat. She's pretty sure there were humans like that before back on Earth, but she isn't certain. She’d never paid too much attention in history class. For all she knows, Earth's been destroyed eons ago and the thousands of races that fill the galaxies are all that remained of humanity.  
They watch as the woman presses a kiss to her infant’s cheek and settles them back in the cart with the rest of the rocks. Sylvia can now see that they're children, sitting next to each other, holding the younger ones and watching the streets go by as their mother pushes them along. “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” She cries, in a deep voice thick with an accent Sylvia can't place.She throws her rough arms around Wander and hugs him so tightly Sylvia can hear his joints crack.

“You’re so welcome!” Wander manages to wheeze out smiling and waving at her retreating figure, before falling over, crumpled and crushed.

“What a nice family” He mumbles.

Sylvia stiffens at the sound of soldier's boots against the cobblestones and spins around, sure enough, a squad of watchdogs is marching towards them and Commander Peepers pried himself off the pavement to lead them. Sylvia’s honestly starting to respect the little guy he’s been beaten down and humiliated again and again and he's still here, she’d thought the only fun she’d have with him was when she was beating him senseless, but she's starting to think...well it doesn't matter.

She scoops Wander up and slides behind a building, peering around its corner to watch the battalion pass by.

“Okay, new plan.” She whispers.

“All we have to do is find and inter-dimensional door…” She scans the city until she sees a long line winding up a stairway where a door waits and a doorman opened and closed it for each traveler.  
“There! Dimensional door!” She drags Wander behind her as she pushes through the crowd.

The crowd parts instantly and she feels her lips curl into a smile. She looks back victoriously “Watchdogs? Ha! They should call them watch us escape dogs! Amiright, Wander?” She grins down at her friend only to find Peepers’ hand in hers. He smiles triumphantly and raises a camera.

“Say cheese! Stupid Zbornax! I knew you’d slip up eventually” he beams “You’ll have all the time in the world to work on your photography when you’re rotting in a cell!”

Sylvia snatches the camera from his hand and laughs. “You’re really caught up in beating me at this”

“I-I am not!” he sputters

“You’re actually looking forward to this aren’t you? It sounds like you rehearsed that speech.” Her smile widens into a grin “You’re dying to outsmart me.”

“Outsmart you? You’re an idiot! You picked a fight with the greatest warlord in the galaxy!”

She raises an eyebrow “You chased me instead of Wander and you’re still holding my hand” He drops her hand like he’s been burned and turns his blaster on her

“I- you- shut up!” She beams at him “And hey it might be crazy to fight Lord Hater, but we won didn’t we?”

“Won! I have a blaster aimed at your head, your wandering weirdo is missing and you’re on a planet dominated by my army!”

“Hm that might be but-” she leans casually on his blaster and peers into his face “You’ve got something right there” she pokes his cheek

“Wha- what?”

“It’s my fist,” she says gleefully, he stumbles back into the crowd from the force of her blow.

"Cheese!” she calls back sweetly

“I’m going to kill you!” he groans.

She bolts a smile lingering on her lips despite the fear in the pit of her stomach. She looks around frantically for Wander only to find him racing through the streets, dodging people and screaming.

“Wait! Stop!” He calls in a genuinely panicked voice “This is a matter of life and death!”

She races after him as he throws himself on the road, skidding to a painful looking stop just in front of a pin that was facing upwards. He quickly picks it up.

“Got it!” He cheers with a heavy sigh.

“Really?! Really!” She waves her arms around in exasperation. “You ruined another perfect getaway for-” She’s interrupted by a horrified shriek as a man with translucent blue skin that’s almost balloon-like skids to a stop in front of the pin. “Oh, my stars!” He cries in a nasal voice “I could have been killed!” Sylvia blinks.   
She’s bruised and from being trampled on her way to save Wander, her hair is tousled and her shorts were dirt stained and torn, but how can she blame him now? This guy would obviously bleed out with the smallest of pricks. “My dear boy, I owe you my life!” The man says, hugging Wander tightly, static electricity clings to Wander’s hair and clothes. “How can I ever thank you?”  
Wander squeals and bounces in place, apparently feeling energized from the good deed despite the fact that he's bruised and electrified. Sylvia grinds her teeth, but before she can tell the guy to wear some shoes or something if he’s that fragile, the sound of watchdog’s boots fills her ears. She snatches Wander up, sliding underneath a merchant’s caravan. Slowly she realizes it’s attached to a herd of green, elephant-like animals with wings for ears.  
“Alright.” She says with a sigh and a tired smile.  
“New, new plan!” She glances at Wander, who is pressed to the ground next to her.

”Wanna play dress up?” She smirks

“When don’t I!” He beams back at her.

Minutes later, they’ve seamlessly added themselves to the line of flying animals. And if their disguise is just a patchy green blanket with a sewed on eye and fabric ears, no one seems to notice. Just like the skinny white legs with red leg hair and blue sneakers and Sylvia’s calloused, black bare feet peeking out from the bottom of the strange ‘animal’ are ignored.  
“Go!” The merchant calls from beneath their cloak and at their words, the caravan lifts off the ground propelled by fiery jets. The animals rise, flapping their wing ears and Wander and Sylvia’s ‘animal’ is suspended between them, steadily rising into the sky.

“Now, Wander.” Sylvia says.“It’s really important you stick to the plan! You’ve gotta pretend to be my...butt long enough for us to escape, seriously!”

His hand rips through the fabric to give her a thumbs up

“Hang on!” She cries they rise higher and higher. “Here we go!” She screams as the caravan shoots into the sky and they swing crazily beneath it.  
She glances at the pair of sneakers dangling in the air to be certain Wander’s still there, then at the ground where a squadron of watchdogs marches purposefully.

“See you later, suckers!” She calls with a grin. “Who looks stupid now-” She gasps, they aren’t marching, they’re chasing Wander! Even from this height, she can see the unmistakable silhouette of his floppy brimmed hat. She quickly glances from the blanket where he’d been only seconds before to the street where he’s now running for his life.

“Rabscrablin’ Hamflabster!” She screams at the sky in pure frustration.

She quickly rips through the ropes holding her to the caravan and begins to free fall, she braces herself for the painful landing. She lands in a crowd of watchdogs so forcefully against the pavement it cracks beneath her feet and they collapse. She knows better than to be relieved they’ll be up and shooting at her in moments.

“Stand back! Nothing to see here, everything is under control!” Wander calls to the disinterested crowd before running off and throwing himself on the ground for seemingly no reason. Sylvia chases after him despite the burning in her legs. Now she can see that he’s staring intently at a red ant and a blue ant who are playing tug-a-war with a peanut.

“Gentlemants, please!” He says smiling down at them

“Might I propose a proposition to your perplexing and ponderous peanut problem?”

He gingerly plucks the peanut out of their tiny mandibles and neatly tears it in two giving each a half. Sylvia stares in horrified disbelief. She winces as a blast hits her cheek and a watchdog lands a lucky hit. She’s going to have a black eye now, she knocks the watchdog that’s trying to kick her feet from under her unconscious.   
Wander is still beaming at the ants and giving them a thumbs up as they snapped pictures. She bites her lip so hard she could taste the salty familiar taste of her own blood. Sure, the watchdogs weren’t that tough but in large numbers, they could do some damage. She rubs at her bruises and winces as her hand traced over a laser burn on the back of her neck. Wander’s going to get an earful.  
She glances at him where he lays on the ground posing, with two ant monarchs as tiny ant reporters take their picture, two armies spread out behind the two feuding ants that she hadn’t noticed before cheer and disassemble their nuclear weapons. Of course, they had nuclear weapons and the destruction of the whole planet was resting on the fate of a flarpin’ peanut, of course! Why would it just be a simple fight? Why would the entirety of the galaxy not need Wander to save it for five minutes?! No, we can’t have that it’d be too razza frazzin’ easy! She seethes.

“Excuse me, your tininess may I borrow your national treasure for just a moment? Thanks!” She grabs Wander by his thumbs up and dragging him across the street and behind a dumpster.

He looks up at her, his brow crinkling in concern at both her bruises and her expression. “You rescued a baby,” She says tiredly ticking off his accomplishments on her fingers.“You saved a man’s life!” She raises her hands in exasperation. “You stopped a thousand year nuclear war, I get it you’re a ‘helpful guy’.’”

“Aw, Sylvia! You’re making me blush!” Wander rubs his arm bashfully and grins at the ground.

“But you are going to ‘helpful’ us to death!” She clasps her hands and pleads with him.

“Please!” she scoops him up “No more helping!" He frowns at her.

“And if you must help someone.” She concedes. “Help me help us to get the flarp out of here!”

“You’re right” Wander admits sheepishly “I get it.” He squares his shoulders and sticks a finger in the air.

“From now on, no more helping!” He swears, shaking his head vigorously

“Finally” She breathes in relief. “Thank you”

She takes a second to exhale all the tension that had filled her body before getting down to business. “Okay, here is the new, new, new, new--” She punctuates each ‘new’ with a toss of her head “and may I add-- last plan.”

The two stare at the sewer grate dripping unidentified green slime and attracting hoards of flies.

“Bleechk!” Wander cries sticking his tongue out.  
“This plan--”

“--stinks.” Sylvia finishes hands on hips, fixing him with a hard stare. We could have gotten out in a better way if you’d just stuck to any of my plans

“I know. But it’s the best we got.” She slams a fist into her palm.  
“Okay, this sewage pipe leads to that garbage barge, which will be leaving the planet in precisely three minutes.” She shoves her face into his. “and we’d better be on it when it does get it?”

“No helping!” Wander agrees, and with a smile that sincere she has to believe him.

She cracks her knuckles and faces down the sewer grate.  
“One, two threeee!” She cries as she strains against it.

Meanwhile, the watchdogs comb the streets.

“He could be anywhere, Sir.” A thin watchdog says as he turns to his supervisor. His communicator crackles to life and Commander Peeper’s voice spills out tinny and loud.

“Alright watchdogs, cause some chaos Wander will come running to help and his babysitter isn’t going to have the patience for another botched plan” The watchdog grins at his supervisor and in unison they chant

“Yes, sir!”

Wander wanders aimlessly from one end of the alley to the other as Sylvia struggles against the wrought iron sewer grate. He can see the sweat gathering on her brow and her muscles straining with effort. He wishes he could help. He bites his lip and looks at his arms. Okay, so maybe he can't help her pull it off, but he can encourage her. He pulls his banjo from his hat, the familiar weight makes him smile as his fingers settle on the right chords to play something soft and fast. Maybe something she can sing along to! He knows how much she loves karaoke.

Outside of the alley, Moose towers over a little girl who stares up at him with three big frightened eyes, her antenna twitching nervously. She cowers away from him and clutches a threadbare doll to her chest. He snatches it from her and yanks at one of her antennae until she cries out in pain, tears spilling down her cheeks.   
Wander's halfway out of the alley when he stops himself, remembering his promise. He glances at Sylvia and forces himself to hold still.

No more helping, no more helping.

He pulls his hat over his eyes and tries to remember how to breathe, tries to forget those big brown teary eyes, tries to quell the wave of despair and helplessness that overwhelms him. The watchdogs march through the city, searching, waiting, but he stays in the alley. So another watchdog, Terry, plucks an apple from a merchant’s cart watching with a smirk as the rest of the apples tumble to the dirty ground. The merchant cries out a sound of shock and despair. He rushes to pick up his wares only to have Terry point his blaster at him and fire it up. He slowly retreats behind his cart, watching his apples nervously.  
Wander flinches. Those are his wares he needs to sell them to live! How will he eat tonight if his fruit is dirty and he can’t sell anything? He feels a wave of the merchant’s anxiety and fear on top of the little girl’s helplessness and sadness. He wraps his arms around himself as if he can hold himself together. The rush of emotion makes him dizzy and sick. He sinks to the ground and slowly rocks himself back and forth the way you’d soothe a child.

“No helping, no helping.” He repeats softly, anchoring himself to the dirty alley floor.

Again they search for him, expecting a blur of an orange sweater and a big grin, but there’s nothing but a child’s wails. So another watchdog snatches an old man’s cane and watches as he totters and collapses on the hard cobblestone. Wander winces at the sudden pain, he rips out a strand of his own hair than another and another as if focusing on his own pain will make it easier to weather, the fear, anxiety sadness and pain of the people suffering just outside the alley.  
The old man raises his head from the dirt calls out a hoarse pitiful. “Help!”

Wander yanks out another clump of his hair, no helping, no helping--

As if setting off a chain reaction, the little girl cries out a shaking sob soaked--“Help!”  
The poor overworked merchant gives out a tired and anxious plea. “Help!”

Wander clutches his hat as if it’s a lifeline, one hand’s buried in his hair tearing it out in a quick painful motion. He smothers a scream as he glanced at Sylvia who’s still struggling against the grate. Almost against his will, his gaze shifts to the old man who’s coughing in the dust, an imprint of stone in his cheek and a tear spilling over his eyelashes.

Help him! His mind screams.

He turns back to Sylvia who’d just got the grate to budge and is smiling.

No helping.

His eyes find the little girl, whose eyes are red from crying and her voice hoarse, she’s covered her face with her hands now.

Help her!

Sylvia is just managing to pry her fingers under the grate.

No helping.

The merchant is biting his nails down to the skin.

Help!

He pulls out another lock of hair with a vicious twist and tries to turn to Sylvia, but he can’t tear his eyes from the victims. With a helpless scream, he launches himself out of the alley. He’s running on pure adrenaline now, inhumanly fast, so fast he can’t quite be seen.  
He snatches the doll from Moose’s hands, shooting him a look of disappointment. But he can’t find it in himself to be angry with him, he knows he was just doing his job besides they'd talked at the fair and he'd told him about how he was working on perfecting his cremé bru le and working up the courage to ask Commander Peepers to try it, so as he takes the doll he replaces with a cute little apron, that he pulls from his hat. Moose will love it.  
He tenderly brushes the tears from the little girl’s cheeks and settles her doll in her lap. He gathers all the apples and brushes them until they shine before arranging them tastefully in the cart. He gingerly helps the old man to his feet, disinfecting and bandaging his wound. He brushes the dust off his clothes and hands him his cane.He exhales deeply and slows to a stop, his heart still pounding. He wipes the sweat from his brow, hand lingering over where he’d plucked out his own orange locks.  
“That’s better.” He says softly he closes his eyes and began to breathe again.  
He hears something clatter to the floor and hands it to whoever was standing in front of him. He absently wondered what it was.

“Thank you.” A watchdog named Todd says dryly.

He has dark skin that’s interrupted with patches of white that look like starlight, pooling into little galaxies against his night sky skin. There had been a name for once but it was long forgotten now it was called star skin and children were told fairy tales about how the Galaxy loved some so much that it used their skin as a canvas and made them a part of the cosmos. Wander would much rather make up constellations on his skin than focus on the loaded blaster now pointing at him. But without Sylvia here, he can't afford to go on tangents or be distracted, his life might actually be in danger.

“What! Wait! Sylvia! Sylvia!” He turns back to the alley in search of his protector, arms waving wildly.

“Sylvia!” He’s met with the sight of an open sewer grate.

“Sylvia” He whispers, feeling tears well up in his eyes. She left him. She’d said this was the last plan and she meant it.

Sylvia lifts the sewage grate and launches inside with a satisfied smile, that quickly turns into a cringe as she wades through a foot of dark liquid she doesn’t want to even try to identify.

“Ugh, this is probably one of the worst plans we’ve had in awhile” she calls back to Wander, besides the time where we antagonized a warlord she thinks bitterly. She expects him to say ‘Look on the bright side, Syl we’re safe as houses now!’ she expects him to flash her that brilliantly bright smile and promise they’ll go see something incredible after all this. She gets silence.

“Wander?” she spins around and turns back, frantically sloshing through the sewage until she can see the light at the end of the tunnel again and hear the noises of the bustling city streets.

She hears his voice, desperate with a sharp edge of fear “Sylvia”

For a heartbeat, she considers turning around and leaving running to the garbage barge. She considers getting the flarp off this planet. It’d be so easy to slip into the person she used to be it would be so easy. That’s what she had learned since she was a child take care of yourself no one else will. It's survival of the fittest, the smartest, the strongest and fastest but then there’s Wander. Wander who’s only fast or strong when it was for others’ benefit, Wander who cares more about others’ happiness than his own safety. Wander who trusted her to be his protector. Does she really want to save her own sort skin or protect her best friend?

She bursts out of the sewer and searches for Wander, she catches sight of him, his hands heavy in shackles and his head lowered in submission, he whispers her name his voice catching on a sob and her heart hurts more than the bruises. She races after them, overtaken with a terrified rage.  
Don’t let them hurt Wander, don’t let them break him she prays silently, desperately. Then she catches sight of Peepers.

Peepers is yelling into a communicator with a scowl “What do you mean you saw the Zbornax? She should be light years away by now! This is insane!”

It’s bad enough that he has a begrudging respect for her, but then she stays? Every time she should leave and escape unscathed she just comes back. She stays and faces laser blasts and blows again and again! She stays even though she has to know Wander will just get himself into danger again and again. That floors him, she'd just proved how intelligent she was so it can't be stupidity or insanity but what else could it be?

“Fine! Fine, just bring me Wander I’ve got a plan to catch them both.”   
She rushes forward a thousand threats on her lips but she freezes she watches in baffled silence as Peepers begins to build an unnecessarily complicated machine. She watches him set up a line of dominos spell the word cheese and it looks like when they're knocked over they’ll hit a toy car which will follow a track to a fan which when bumped will turn on and inflate a balloon that's attached to it, she can't quite figure it all out but she's pretty sure it ends with a cage falling over her head and a camera flashing.  
She steps into the alley and leans against a wall as he rushes around the machine making last minute adjustments.

“So what happened to killing us instantly or just forgetting us so you can go back to conquering the galaxy?” She asks, Peepers almost jumps out of his skin.

“I- I’m just-” he rubs a hand over in face in exasperation. His helmet was destroyed with his ship and she can see that one of his eyes is an empty socket sewed shut with stitches that are a harsh black against his brown skin. His other eye is wide as he stares at her. He looks at her like she’s a particularly complicated machine or battle plan. He stares at her as if she’ll give him the answers as if she can explain love and loyalty with only her expression. His eye narrows, it’s a deep dark brown, as dark as a black hole and just as fierce and consuming.

“Why did you stay?” he asks “You’d really choose to rot in a warlord’s cell for all eternity with Wander than your own freedom?"

Her expression fills with such determination and a blatant love for her friend it takes his breath away and he gasps as she nods.

“Every time.” she says “Every time.”

He takes an involuntary step back, his eye fixed on her face he can’t look away. He shakes his head and smoothes his uniform, running his hands over the stretchy black material, his fingers lingering on the red lightning bolt sewn on its chest. He shines the lightning bolt on the back of his helmet once more. He always takes good care of it, it’s the symbol of his authority and the one shining reminder that he was no ordinary watchdog. He’s Commander Peepers, Hater’s right-hand man, and most trusted adviser. He commands the entire flarping military. He is unstoppable and unstoppable commanders of evil empires do not admire the ridiculous fugitives their army is hunting.  
Sylvia stands tall, towering over him, her clothes wet and clinging to her body. Her lips are pulled back in an almost predatory smile revealing straight white teeth. Her teeth are stained with what can only be blood, hers or his army's he can't tell and her eyes are fixed on his with an intensity he’s never seen before. He feels his face flush even as his blood runs cold, she cracks her knuckles and his heart skips a beat, he can’t tell if this is fear or some other all-encompassing feeling that makes his pulse race and his whole body thrum with a horrible and wonderful energy.

“I had fun with you,” she says

His eye widens even further, of all the terrifying threats she could have thrown at him, of all the bones she could have broken. This throws him off balance most of all. She had fun? His gaze lingers on the fire in her steely blue, almost grey eyes and her fierce smile and he’s reminded of the way she fought through an armed militia, single-handedly slowly everything else fades away. His eyes flutter shut as he imagines her defending him like that. What would it feel like to have a friend that would defend you? He imagines her turning that scowl on Emperor Awesome when he casually insults him and his entire race while he battles Hater.

“Ugh, you need a better army!” Emperor Awesome would say, studying his nails “Grob, I don't know how you put up with the worthless little nerds.”

He could picture that vividly. He’d had plenty of experience biting his lip so hard it bled, his hands curling into shaking fists. And Hater would throw back some half thought through comeback, he wouldn't even spare Peepers a glance. But Sylvia would turn on him with that fierce smile, bared teeth and eyes bright with anger.

“Like you can talk, you razza frazzin flarp guzzler! You can't even make your own weapons!”

If they were friends she wouldn't let Lord Hater treat him like he was worthless. Hater would make some offhanded comment about Peepers, and Sylvia would turn on him with that dangerous smile and make a remark that left him speechless, pondering how he could have taken him for granted for so long. He’d seen her do it before, throw both leaving the villain stunned. And with how smart she was, he knew she'd appreciate his plans! Sure, she’d tease him, but it wouldn’t be as harsh as when Hater yelled at him. Besides she'd be impressed he just knew she would, she'd give him that look he’d only seen her give Wander, a mix of admiration and utter belief.

“But I’m done playing” she snarls snapping him back to reality.

He realizes he’s surrounded by brick walls on either side and the only escape back to the streets where his army, leader and any semblance of power are is blocked by the imposing figure of Sylvia. He takes a step back and he hears the clink of one domino hitting another and he looks down he’s standing on the X he’d drawn in chalk and he’s just triggered his own trap. “Uh,” he says eloquently as the cage falls over his head. Sylvia’s best menacing glare wavers as the edges of her lips quiver upwards. The camera flashes and he clutches his eye and screams.

“OH GLORN! WHY?”

Sylvia bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

He rubs his eyes and scowls “Oh shut up can’t you just go back to threatening me?”

Sylvia shrugs “Whatever you say”

Before he can take another breath she’s torn the cage apart with her bare hands and has him pinned to the wall. She gives him that beautifully vicious smile and his breath catches in his throat. She stalks closer, moving with the grace and skill of someone who knew just how to use their body as a lethal weapon. She’s close, so close he can feel the heat of her breath on his cheeks and count her eyelashes. He wonders dizzily if she knows that her eyes shine like starlight when she looks at him like that, he wonders if she can tell the difference between his fear and his breathless awe. She slams a fist into the wall just above his shoulder, trapping him even more hopelessly between her and the wall.

“So” she whispers low, slow and threatening “are you going to tell me where Wander is or am I going to have to beat it out of you?” The air between them is heavy with tension it felt like the slightest movement just a brush of his skin against hers would create a spark and ignite it. Her only answer is a sharp intake of breath, his eyes are fixed on her parted lips and something in him makes him want to lean in just a little closer to push the boundaries with something even more dangerous than angering her. Her beautifully vicious smile wavers and she bursts into laughter.

“Wha-”

“Sorry, sorry I’ll beat you up in a second just-” she laughs even harder "Y-your face when you realized you triggered your own trap.” He slides his hand into his holster and pushed his gun beneath her jaw

“Really? Are you really going to waste time making fun of me? Don’t you think you should be worried about your idiot?”

That’s the wrong thing to say and he knows it because her smile drops and in an instant her hand slides around his shoulder and clamps around his neck.

“Do you think you can pull the trigger faster than I could strangle you?” she breathes, her hand tightening. He can almost taste the dare in her words, sharp as steel and as intoxicating as her smile. He licks his lips nervously and tries to remember that this was a lethal standoff, that either could die at any moment, but she’s so close.   
He wonders if she knows what she’s doing to him, her face gives no indication that she does. He can only see anger shining in her steely blue eyes and underneath that fear for her friend, softer and hidden but if he looks closely he can tell she’s terrified they'll hurt Wander.  
He isn’t sure what's worse her scare tactics that leave him breathless and confused or that honest expression filled with such determination and blatant love for her friend, they both make his heart race and his mind slip into impossible daydreams. He has never had a friend that loyal, he’d thought it was impossible until now. But then she leans in even closer her lips just grazing the tip of his ear and her other hand wrapping around his neck and he stops dreaming because this is all too real.

“You, need me alive, Commander. You have to bring us to your boss as a trophy but I-” she moves her lips even closer, tilting her head so he can feel the vibration of the words against his skin as she murmurs “I could kill you.”

He can’t suppress the soft strangled noise that escapes his lips, she laughs deep and dark against his ear. The hand holding the gun to her head trembles. “Are you scared, optic nerd?”

“No,” he says a little breathlessly, trying not to lean into her touch “You can’t hurt me, not really, not permanently. You’re a hero”

"You trust me?”

He flushes “Wha- no, I-” This is not the plan, none of this is the plan! What is happening? He should have had Wander rotting in a cell by now! He should be looking at the newest invasion plan!

She looks at him with wide violet eyes filled with disbelief and his train of thought promptly crashes and burns. She pulls back and it’s a little easier to breathe even if his whole body aches with the loss. Her eyes search his face in wonder and she looks at him with an expression of utter confusion, her hands withdraw from his neck and his gun falls to his side.

“How can you trust me? You’ve met me once and I knocked out a quarter of your army! How can you possibly know that I’m actually good! You don’t know who I am or what I’ve done, I might be a horrible person who’s killed thousands in cold blood.”

He shakes his head “No, you aren’t. I saw the way you looked out for Wander back there, you could have left anytime and just now you were trying to save him even though it could cost you your freedom. You're a loyal and kind friend and a goody two shoes through and through.” He smiles at her, not a smug smirk as he calls her bluff, but a genuine, trusting smile and her heart stutters in her chest.

She takes a step back, the proximity suddenly becoming too much. She almost trips over the line of dominos and Peepers snickers.

“You may be good, but you sure as flarp aren’t graceful.”

She rolls her eyes, but a smile tugs on the edges of her lips, she bounces a domino off his head and sticks her tongue out childishly.

“Okay, you're right you can't kill me and I can't kill you but I’m still stronger so…” she cracks her knuckles and wiggles her eyebrows

“Ugh, I still have bruises from when we first met! Fine Wander's probably being taken through the market to get to the ship, but I'm only telling you because Hater’s being annoying today.” He concedes crossing his arms and glaring to mask the way his face is still hot and his heart's still pounding.

She laughs “I know a little about annoying friends” around the corner comes the faint music of a banjo and he groans as she beams.

“He’s okay!” Her smile becomes brilliant, making her eyes shine. “Thanks, Peepers,” she says before she bolts, running off to save the day. Leaving him standing in the alley, one hand on his chest willing his heart to stop racing and the other on the back of his neck tracing the path her fingers had been.

“You smell like garbage!” He calls after her, she really does he hadn't even noticed the stench of sewage on her before, it must have been a part of her latest escape plan.

“You look like garbage!” Comes the faint reply as she runs off, he grins.

Glorn that was fun! He kinda wished she'd stuck around, they could trade insults and complain about their friends, maybe brainstorm some plans… but on the other hand he’s sort of glad she was gone, now he can breathe again. He’s starting to believe she has some kind of Zbornax mind control power. When she'd pressed her lips against his neck he would have handed over the key to the entire empire if she'd asked...  
He starts heading to an extra ship, then freezes in the middle of the street, his expression changing to slow dawning horror as he realizes what had just happened, what he just thought. “What the flarp was that?” he whispers to himself “I just...and she...and I…what!” He grabs the wall of a nearby building to steady himself but ended up shakily collapsing on the dirty cobblestones.

No, no, no. Glorn no, this is ridiculous! He can’t be attracted to Sylvia in any way shape or form because he doesn’t even like being around her. He hates her! He just needs to get out more, maybe the other watchdogs have a point about how hard he works, and how he never goes on dates but he'd never needed to before, he’s married to his work and he'd only ever had a crush on...well, that's not important the point was he hates Sylvia he just really needed to take a day off. He isn’t sure how long he sat there, slumped against the cobblestones focusing on breathing on thinking properly, running through the schedule in his mind and planning a vacation. His communicator crackles to life and Hater’s piercing voice breaks through his thoughts slapping him in the face with reality.

“PEEEEEEEEPPPEERS! THEY ESCAPED! HOW DID THEY ESCAPE?! WHAT DID YOU DO? FIND THEM! THEY MADE ME LOOK BAD, PEEPERS! THEY CAN’T JUST GET AWAY WITH THAT!”< There’s a gasp on the other side of the receiver.“THE WATCHDOGS ARE RUNNING OFF TO GET ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM, PEEPERS! TAKE CARE OF IT!”

“Yes, sir.” He replies

“Oh, and grab me a pint of pudgy fudgy vanilla while you're there.” Hater adds.

“Yes, sir.” He repeats with a scowl.

It doesn’t take long to commandeer a ship, a blaster to the face works wonders for the locals’ generosity. He catches sight of another ship like his and follows it to a small green planet, it looked like a retirement planet with lots of antique shops and candy stores. Houses dot its streets with white picket fences, immaculate gardens and the occasional lazy old dog asleep on the front porch. The sun shines brightly and the sky was brilliantly blue it had the disorienting effect of making the whole planet feel like lazy summer afternoon as if time means nothing here, it’s eternally tranquil and calm.   
He feels himself shudder, he kinda wishes they could conquer this planet, instead of getting ice cream here something about the uniformity of everything, the sickening sameness makes his stomach curl. This was the kind of place he'd be trapped in if it weren't for Hater, some suburbia with a nine to five office job where he'd never have power over anything, not even his own life. He parks, taking out a mailbox just because and steps out scanning the streets for his MIA soldiers. He turns the corner and there stands Sylvia ranting to an empty street where he assumes Wander had once been.

“Oh, Syl!” She mocks, batting her eyelashes and clasping her hands to her cheek “I’ve just gotta teach that trigger happy watchdog how to tap dance it's his dream!” She scoffs “razza frazzin’ tap dancing!”

Now that he sees her in the sunlight he can see there’s bruising around one of her eyes, splotches of purple erupting around it like a sunset against her dark skin, a yellow band-aid with little suns on it rests across the bridge of her nose, and her lips are red with a tint of blood. He feels the sudden urge to wipe it off her lip and treat it. Wander had obviously already taken care of her nose, but she’s still hurt. Her wild pink mohawk actually looks like a mohawk now, instead of strands of it scattering across her head like some vibrant, many-petaled flower the way it does when she fights, her eyes are soft, the color of a stormy grey sea.

She sighs “Okay so he’s gonna help civilians even when he's a wanted criminal, I can live with that but he's gotta help the guys hunting us? I swear, he thinks tap dancing through those laser blasts is fun! Never mind how many times he was this” she holds her fingers a hair’s width apart “to getting barbecued! I swear his survival instincts and common sense are replaced with kindness!”

Peepers can't help himself instead of shooting her like he should he laughs, she spins on him with wide startled eyes, looking slightly sheepish.

“Hater’s the same way, any logic or reason he had in his thick skull is replaced hot air!” He puffs himself up and imitates Lord Hater with a scowl “Peeeeepppeers! The laws of physics aren't obeying me!”

Before he can start to feel guilty about talking bad about his boss or let it sink in that he was chatting so casually with a sworn enemy she laughs, long and hard and it’s such a ridiculous sounding laugh, he can't help but laugh along.

“Okay, I have to know, how did you know Lord Hater would get sucked into the contest if you messed with his ego?”

She grins “Come on, the guy stormed a planet with his own theme song about how great he is, he might as well be wearing a nametag ‘Hello I am an egomaniac”

Peepers shakes his head incredulously “But didn't the giant army and blasters terrify you? You had to have heard of us, right?”

She shrugs “I’m used to being on the business end of a blaster”

He raises an eyebrow, he can see the scars lining her arms and legs now, older and fresh she rubs a laser burn on the back of her neck. He feels his stomach twist unpleasantly and looks away.

“And your army ran off to hang out at the fair, immediately. Yeah I'd heard of you, word gets around when some jerk starts conquering planets I warned Wander not to mess with you, but he’s the worst at listening.”

“Nah, Hater’s worse! One time we went to am intergalactic meeting of villains to form alliances it was our first time and Emperor Awesome-have you heard of him?”

“Oh yeah, that guy who throws world ending parties, what a jerk!”

“I know right! Anyway Emperor Awesome was coming in at the same time we were and he just looks Hater over with this smug smirk and says ‘you’re wearing that?’ Hater flips out and starts chasing him around the whole conference throwing lightning bolts and screaming about how he looked amazing and ended up setting the building on fire and we got banned.”

“Really?” She laughs “how'd you get him to leave normally I have to grab Wander and carry him out of danger or he’ll stay and try to hug it out.”

“Hater normally leaves if I annoy him enough,” Peepers explains with a shrug

“Oh, is that why you're always yelling in that annoying whiny voice?” Peepers scowls up at her only to find she's grinning at him teasingly. She punches him in the arm, it still hurts but the warmth of her smile takes away the sting.

“Well, at least I’ve got a reason what’s your excuse?”

“For what?”

“For swearing all the time! Razza frazzin’ this, flarp that if we tried to wash your mouth out with soap, the soap would come out dirty!”

She laughs “Aren’t you supposed to be the bad guys? You’re telling me, Hater never swears?” Peepers suddenly becomes very invested in his shoes.

Sylvia grins “He doesn’t? That’s adorable! Does he just not know them or..?”   
Peepers glares at her as annoyance wells up in his chest. Of all the condescending jerkwads…

"He’s adored by thousands across the galaxy and some of those thousands are children” he mumbles, “it took a while but we got a swear jar.”

“Aw! That’s so sweet!” She cooes

“Shut up!” He kicks at the dirt.

Why is he even talking to her? He should be dragging her to Hater in chains.

“I mean it,” she says looking him in the eye with what seems to be genuine admiration. “I think it's really cool that you think about those kinds of things I really should work on it too but” she shrugs and gives him a self-deprecating smile “I'm new at this.”

“This?”

“Helping people” she scrapes dirt and blood from beneath her fingernails and avoids his eyes.

“I would have never guessed” She looks up at him with a soft smile. He tries to punch her arm but she looks like she doesn't even feel it, it has about as much force behind it as a poke. She grins at him and grabs his arm.

“Aw, c’mon Peepers your arms are as weak as wet noodles.” She flaps his arm around in her hand, with a grin as he sputters and a dark pink blush spills across his light brown skin, his eye is so wide she could see flecks of gold in the dark brown iris reminding her of sunlight. He tears his arm from her grasp.

“What! Well- I… I-I’m not weak you’re just like freakishly strong how did you even learn to fight like that? You took out a quarter of my army with just your bare hands!”

She bites her lip before wincing at the pain, she'd forgotten it was swollen and considers her options she could tell him she'd left home as a little girl just after her father died and quickly learned that most people don’t care if they hurt a kid as long as they get paid. She could tell him about getting caught up with Ryder about throwing themselves into idiotically dangerous situations and how she'd have to fight her way out when he abandoned her again. She could tell him about her days as a bounty hunter, vicious and cruel but the way he'd looked at her when he'd said she was the hero…

“I have three older brothers,” she says

“Really?”

“Yeah, Gil was caught kissing the quarterback on the playground in middle school, Bill’s autistic and his special interest is fitness so he talks incessantly about it and Phil can rock a sundress and heels. I wasn't about to let anyone give them any flarp for it so I learned how to take on people much bigger than me at a young age.”

He smiles warmly “You’re such a good sister”

Her face feels hot “Nah, you’d do the same if you weren’t so noodle-y”

“I am not noodle-y!”

She grins “It's not a bad thing, Wander’s much more noodle-y it’s just funny but if you're going to try and fight me without hiding behind your army and blaster, you're gonna need a routine, short stuff” He isn't actually that scrawny, he has about the same slight build as Wander, just a bit shorter but it’s fun to tease him.

“What! I-? I’m not hiding! It's not funny! S-short stuff?! What does noodle-y even mean?”

Wander runs past, closely followed by a group of watchdogs he’s dancing with a watchdog through a shower of laser blasts, long gangly arms and legs moving so quickly and sporadically his sneakers barely touch the street, his green eyes shining with laughter and his red locks falling around his face.

“Oh, so that's noodle-y”

“Yeah,” Sylvia says with a fond smile “he's ridiculous, I love him.”

“Oh, are you two…?”

“No!” She says wrinkling her nose “he's my best bud!”

“Oh, okay,” Peepers says with a slight smile “I’ve just never seen a friendship so close”

Sylvia looks surprised “Oh, so you and Hater are dating?”

“What?! No! Could you see us dating? It's more like babysitting!” He feels his face get hot anyway.

She grins at him mischievously “Oh, I get it you had a crush on him when you first joined his army. You thought he was this incredible and powerful villain and then you rose in the ranks and he turned out to be the kind of guy gets tricked into playing carnival games and throws a tantrum when he loses.”

He feels his face heat up even further and he bristles with irritation, he glares up at Sylvia

“Hey! No one talks bad about my boss, but me! I mean maybe, I had a crush on him in the beginning and sure, I don't like him like that now, but he's not ridiculous, he really is powerful and strikes fear into the hearts of thousands! And any strategic failings he has, I more than make up for! That's what makes us the perfect team and our evil empire so strong! Besides that normally doesn't happen, how were we supposed to know some wandering weirdo would show up!"

“Watch it, that's my weirdo you're talking about!” Sylvia warns him, but she softens at the sight of him defending his friend.

“Okay, I'll lay off him a bit. I get it I’d be knocking heads if I heard some jerk talk about Wander like that and you do have a point obviously whatever this is-” she waves a hand towards where Wander is kissing watchdogs on the cheek and shoving pies in their faces.  
“Is working for you I mean it was really hard to get away and somehow you guys were on this planet too-”

Peepers decides to save any admiration she had for him and not to mention this is an ice cream stop.

“But either way, Wander and I will always escape I mean we’ve outwitted your army and your boss before, I have a feeling this is going to go on for a long time.”

Peepers shrugs, he feels like he should probably tell her they’ll catch them and the two will face a painful and horrible death but it’s kinda nice talking to someone who had a friend just as ridiculous as his. “Yeah, Hater’s not going to let this go.”

Sylvia nods “And Wander really thinks they can be friends.”

Peepers gives her an incredulous look and she smiles

“I know right? Impossible, but Wander has a way of making the impossible happen.” She grins, getting a faraway look in her eye, before looking back at him

“Come on, buy me an ice cream cone and I’ll tell you all about it.” She starts towards the nearest ice cream shop, throwing him a mischievous smile over her shoulder.

“And why exactly should I buy you ice cream!” he shoots back, following her.

“Because you owe me for the damage your army did” she brushes a hand against her black eye, but she's still grinning brightly as if she’s used to the pain. Maybe she is. He bites his lip

“Okay, but only because that black eye looks like it really hurts”

She rolls her eyes “Nah, I don’t want pity ice cream. Admit you owe me, I wasn’t even trying to fight you or your army this time I just wanted to keep Wander safe.

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t even be chasing you if Wander hadn’t humiliated Lord Hater” he opened the door for her.

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have humiliated him if he hadn’t been such an easy mark.” she counters walking up to the counter. She glances at the different kinds of ice cream

“Actually now that I think about it we probably would have, but that doesn’t change the fact that he made it easy.”

Peepers shrugs uncomfortably as he pulls out his blaster. Sylvia stares him down and snaps her whip between her hands until he slowly lowers it and reaches for his wallet with a sigh.

“He’s not an idiot just enraged, you know how it is being evil is stressful.”

She laughs “Yeah, I know”

He raises an eyebrow in question but she just points at a container of chocolate fudge and says “I think you owe me two scoops, one for the black eye and one for the laser burn. If your soldiers were better at their job they would have caught us and brought us in without so much damage.”

Said soldiers run by the window, ice cream cones replacing their blasters as they chase Wander down the street, making laser noises. Wander and a watchdog tap dance happily past them.

“Well, I can't argue with that” Peepers agrees with a shrug “I'll take two scoops of chocolate fudge, a pint of fudgy pudgy ice cream and two scoops of strawberry.” He tells the cashier, sliding a couple credits across the counter

“Hungry?” She teases

He blushes “Lord Hater wanted fudgy pudgy ice cream!”

“Oh, so the big bad skeleton has a sweet tooth”

“Uh, I mean he's still terrifying, err...could you just forget I said that? Ugh! Why are you so easy to talk to!”

He narrows his eye, and pulled the ice cream closer “Wait, are you only talking to me to learn more about Hater’s weaknesses?”

She laughs and rolls her eyes “Oh, yeah I definitely needed to know Hater’s favorite ice cream, it's vital to destroying your entire empire. You're so paranoid, don't you have anyone you trust?”

He shrugs and hands her, her ice cream cone “I trust Hater.”

“What about the watchdogs? No wonder you're telling me so much, don't you have anyone to vent to?”

He takes a bite of his ice cream “You've seen them, how am I supposed to talk to anyone that stupid? But it's not like I don't have friends it's just Hater’s the only friend I need.”  
His eye lights up and he beams so brightly it rivals Wander’s grin.

“He’s so powerful and strong he can topple empires and dominate planets like it's nothing! He commands an entire intergalactic empire in style! He has limitless power and potential, and he’s still really cool sometimes when we’re planning evil plans we order a pizza and play with the miniatures...err I mean…”

Sylvia just grins at him “I won’t tell” she promises

He grins back “I know he’s cruel and selfish but just being by his side makes you feel like you could do anything.”

“Eh,” Sylvia shrugs “I've done the whole overpowering people thing before and yeah, it was thrilling for a while but anyone can be strong. You want to know what’s really incredible?”

She smiles and licks her ice cream Peepers isn't sure if the ecstasy overtaking her face was the taste or whatever she’s thinking about, Either way, it's even more intoxicating than her look of determination it's all he can do to nod dumbly.

“Wander can end wars with just a smile and a kind word, he can save planets with only his own determination and kindness, he genuinely believes the worst people can be better,” she glances at where he’s dancing with a watchdog and the watchdog is beaming, as if this is the best thing that had ever happened to him.

 

“No problem is too big and dangerous for him to take on, he's willing to die for the safety of strangers. Nothing's too small and insignificant for him because if it matters to you it matters to him. I've seen him, cancel his plans to go explore the most wondrous places in the galaxy, just to help someone who had a bad day feel better. He actually finds beauty and goodness in absolutely everything, even me. Now that’s incredible.”  
Peepers tries to think of a response to that, his mouth opens and closes but he can't find words.

“Of course he's not perfect,” she says conspiratorially “sometimes it really is like babysitting a hyperactive toddler, and he can get on my nerves, sometimes he's selfish. Glorn, can he be selfish. He's dangerously irresponsible and reckless, and that's coming from me! He just does whatever he wants and doesn’t think about any of the consequences it will hold for anyone. I always have to rescue him from his mistakes but, y’know he's my best friend and I don't mind looking after him and maybe I'll spend the rest of my life wandering the stars with him,” she shrugs “that sounds good to me.”

Peepers swallows hard “I-yeah same with Hater but in a totally evil way!”

She laughs and licks some ice cream from the corner of her lips, his eye tracks the motion before he looks away feeling oddly guilty

“Commander Peepers! You caught the Zbornak!” a watchdog cries, running up to level his ice cream cone at Sylvia, she raises an eyebrow as it drips onto the pavement.

“I have a name, y'know”

Meanwhile, the entire group of watchdogs are struggling to catch Wander as he dances around them, occasionally spinning one of them around happily as if waltzing, blissfully unaware of their missed blows.

“Uh, right!” Peepers says, puffing up his chest and aiming his blaster at her “by the authority of Lord Hater you are under arrest for crimes punishable by death.”

She laughs “Like making Lord Hater look stupid?”

She shakes her head with an amused smile “Thanks for the ice cream. It was fun talking to you, Peepers maybe Wander’s right we could be friends. I’ll see you around.”

Peepers freezes, she had fun talking to him? No one has fun talking to him! Lord Hater is just annoyed by him and he doesn’t even bother talking to the watchdogs unless he’s ordering them around, but she thinks he’s fun?

“Uh, Commander?” The watchdog asks, waving a hand in front of Peepers’ blank-eyed stare and looking skeptically at his big goofy smile.

Sylvia scoops Wander out of the line of fire and onto her back “We gotta go, pal, you can dance with the watchdogs later.”  
Wander begins to pout “But we were just practicing Bill’s two-step!”

“You can have some of my ice cream” Sylvia bribes, pressing the cone into his hands

“Okay!” Wander concedes brightly, pulling out the orble juice and creating a bubble around them.

“Bye, Bill follow your dreams!” he calls waving at a watchdog who stares up at him, awed with tears glistening in his eye.

“I still hate you and I’m still going to watch you be vaporized” Peepers yells at Sylvia

she smiles “Bring it on, Commander!”

“Later, Hater!” they sing as they disappear into the cosmos.

Peepers shakes himself out of his daze “You let them get away, you idiots!” he screeches at the watchdogs.

“But boss you were the one talking to the Zbornax and standing there smiling!” Bill points out, he's met with a laser blast.

“Have you ever seen me smile?” Peepers asks in a low and dangerous voice

“Err, well no but-”

“I wasn’t smiling I was grimacing at your incompetence you somehow managed to lose your blasters and Wander! You had two chances on two different planets and you did nothing! So shut up and march back to the skull ship, you worthless excuse for soldiers!” he shoots at their heels as they run shouting

“Faster, you idiots! You’re all doing drills until you pass out when we get back!”

But once they're far enough away he licks the strawberry ice cream from the corner of his mouth and smiles softly.  
“She thinks we could be friends,” he whispers, daydreams about eating ice cream, playing with miniatures and talking late into the night play through his head to the sound of her laugh and the taste of strawberries.


	2. The Bad Girl

“You don’t have to say it” Sylvia said to Wander as they plummeted past the remains of asteroids and into the inky eternity of the cosmos.  
“Short cuts through asteroid fields was not the best idea”  
She watched the fragments of meteors pass by faster and faster, it had been fun at the time. Dodging and twisting past the asteroids laughing at the pure thrill of it all. Wander’s laughter mixed with her own, higher pitched, lighter and childlike. He’d been perched on her shoulders as per usual, eyes wide as they raced through. She’d grinned, she always felt lighter around him. As if the rules of the cosmos didn’t apply to them. All that mattered in that moment was how free and endless they felt. Then their orble bubble had popped.

“It’ll be fine!” Wander said sunnily, rummaging through his hat, pulling out orble juice and putting them in a bubble in one fluid practiced motion.  
“As long as we don’t run out of-” As if on cue, a sharp fragment of asteroid was jostled by the one next to it and ran into their bubble, popping it instantly.  
“Orble juice” Wander finished, trying uselessly to form a bubble around them.  
There was a second before the panic set in. Huh, thought Sylvia, plummeting to my death. Not how I thought it’d end. Then they were screaming, but that didn’t last long either. Sylvia landed painfully on a sharp rock that stuck between her shoulder blades with a cry of pain and Wander slid gracefully across her back and landed on the ground feet first.  
“Are we completely dry?” Sylvia groaned in a strained voice. Wander shook the orble bottle hopefully and peered inside.  
“Don’t worry,” Wander soothed, peering down at her so his sunny smile was above her grimace “Look, there’s a nice little town over there!”  
She followed his gaze to a decrepit city, the buildings were rusted and slanted inwards as if weary of the world outside it. Wickedly sharp barbed wire hung from it’s entrance, broken chains criss crossed its doors and smoke billowed from within. An emergency siren could be heard but worst of all was the sign, crudely nailed to a boulder in front of it that, read “Doomstone Population: Get out” with arrows and axes stuck out from it at odd angles.  
“I bet they can rustle us up some Orble juice, I’mma’ go ask them for help!” Wander said, striding up to the town, big smile firmly in place. Before he could take another step Sylvia’s whip was wrapped around his waist and she pulled him behind a boulder with her.  
“Wander!” she whispered urgently, holding him up so he was eye to eye with her  
“Don’t you know where we are? This is Doomstone! Refuge for the meanest nastiest outlaws in the galaxy! You can’t just walk in there asking for Orble juice! They’ll tear you apart!” She shuddered as visions of her goofy best friend’s gory death filled her head. She turned back to see him still smiling, kicking his feet happily as he was suspended in her grasp  
“What if I ask real nice?” He suggested. She placed him back on his feet, waving her hands in front of herself frantically.  
“No!”  
She pulled her whip back and looked anxiously at the town before looking back at Wander.  
“If we’re going to go in there you’ve gotta be the opposite of that! You’ve gotta act, tough, nasty, mean” She hoped it’d sink in she loved her friend. But Wander well, he didn’t exactly have common sense or survival instincts. And she was pretty sure she was ninety percent of his impulse control.  
“You have to act like a bad guy” She stressed.  
“Bad guy?” He repeated blankly, then his face lit up and he rummaged through his hat and triumphantly pulled out a thick black fake mustache, which he stuck on his face.  
“Got it! No problem!” He started to growl, hunched and held his arms out in a cliche ‘bad guy’ pose that she was pretty sure had been copied from a cartoon.  
“Oh! Wait! You need a disguise too!” He said, his voice light again and his brilliant smile in place.  
She sighed deeply.  
“Okay, sure I’ll wear whatever as long as you promise to act bad.”  
He beamed and pulled out a makeup case from his hat.  
“Makeover time!” He cheered sitting cross legged behind the bolder.  
She suddenly felt like she was having a sleepover instead of stranded on a desolate, desert planet among the galaxy’s worst outlaws. She wasn’t much for playing dress up, but Wander was beaming so brightly. And it tickled a little as he spread powders and pastes and gloss on her face. They practiced evil villain laughs and made villainous faces, and she found herself actually laughing and her fear starting to fade. She wondered if he knew that he could make anywhere feel like home.  
Finally Wander beamed and pulled a mirror out of his hat “Look, Syl! You look amazing!”  
Sylvia glanced at her reflection, blood red lipstick stained her lips and dramatic eyeliner made her violet eyes stand out like fiery stars against an endless cosmos.  
“Okay, buddy we played dress up, now let’s see you act bad” She said, suppressing a smile. Wander always was incredible with make up  
Wander shook his head “You’ve gotta dress like a bad guy!” He turned and peered into his hat, disappearing up to his chest into the fabric, which should have been impossible.  
Sylvia merely shook her head “Wander why would the hat have a uniform of an evil regime or some gang just lying around and in my size, I know it’s a pretty incredible hat but--”  
“Ta dah!” Wander said triumphantly, holding up a modified watchdog uniform.  
“Wander, what the flarp” She said, deadpan.  
Wander just beamed and handed her the uniform. “You change and then I’ll show you my best bad guy act!”  
She glanced at his hat suspiciously then back at the uniform now in her hands, before slowly backing behind the bolder to change.  
The uniform was bigger than the watchdog’s which made sense considering how much taller she was than them. It consisted of a black crop top with spikes adorning the shoulders and a lightning bolt emblazoned across her chest in red thread. The shorts were black with red trimming around the waist and yellow trimming at the bottom. A loop with a yellow whip hung around it and sat at her hips. Apparently the ensemble needed to be absolutely complete because there was a black helmet with a red visor and two spikes on either side of her head. Instead of a lightning bolt however, there was a space allowing her pink mohawk to flow over the black helmet. Black boots with blades hidden in the heels were pulled up to her thighs, leaving only a thin strip of skin visible and thick red gloves with brass along the knuckles stopped just above her wrists, spikes jutting out from the sides.  
“Syl! Syl! Look!” Wander called and she sighed before coming out from behind the bolder  
Wander beamed at her and straightened his mustache before strutting out into the open. He raised his arms above his head and growled at the boulders  
“Grrrrrahhhh!” His tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth.  
She watched incredulously “Is that- is there some dinosaur in there?”  
“Little bit!” He called back  
“Oh, we’re doomed” She muttered to herself, all good feelings gone.  
Okay, okay I can do this.We’ve survived armies of watchdogs being sent at us, we’ve got this...but those were watchdogs. These are real villains. The kind I dealt with when I was with Ryder. Actual assassins and slavers, the kind of people that would tear Wander with his cheesy grin and fake mustache to pieces! I can’t even take some of these people!  
“Breathe. Breathe.” She reminded herself, watching Wander growl at some litter before scooping it up into his hat. Her friend needed her, they’d just lay low, buy some orble juice without drawing any attention to themselves and leave. It’d be fine.  
By the time she’d fought off a panic attack and come up with a strategy, Wander had turned the litter into compost and was starting to make a little vegetable garden. She didn’t take the time to talk him into getting Orble juice. Instead she just scooped him up and tossed him over her shoulder. “Let me do the talking. Just stand there with your mustache and try not to smile too much okay?”  
Wander beamed. “I love playing dress up! Look!” He went stiff in her arms, clawing and screeching at nothing as he fixed his fake mustache to his upper lip.  
Sylvia glanced down at him, his curly red hair fell around his face as he writhed in her arms, a stark contrast from the blatantly fake mustache. And the sleeves of his oversized, orange sweater kept slapping her in the face as he punched at the air making her nose itch, it was such a fuzzy sweater. Despite the fact that his face was contorted in what she thought was his best attempt at fury, his blue eyes were still shining happily and the freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose still made him look childishly sweet. He was about as intimidating as a muffin. Actually Sylvia was pretty sure she’d eaten more intimidating muffins. She sighed. Maybe they could pretend he was a hostage.  
“What do you think, am I bad or am I bad?” Wander sat up in her arms, smiling like he’d just finished an award winning performance.  
“Terrifying.” She said driyly.  
He scrambled from her arms and turned a flip in the air before turning wide, shining blue eyes at her. “Really? Was I really terrifying?”  
She shook her head both at his question and his effortless acrobatics. She wasn’t sure what species he was. Since she’d started traveling with him she was pretty sure she’d seen every variation of humanity and documented species there was. Most species had human ancestors and they’d just developed specialized features as they adapted to the planets they’d spread across throughout thousands of years. She remembered how her mom used to drag out a thick, heavy, old scrapbook and slam it down on the kitchen table with enough force to shake the table whenever her brothers complained about history or trash talked the old humans. And they’d all get a lecture on humans and more specifically Black humans and how incredible they were. She could probably quote her, but Wander didn’t seem to have a history at all. She’d never met anyone like him.

She glanced at the street that was getting closer and the gang signs she recognized and feared spray painted across the side of the crumbling concrete buildings. Screams, sirens and the familiar sound of blasters charging just before they’re fired filled the air. She felt herself falling into old patterns, her body tensing into a defensive form. Feet, slightly farther apart, solid on the ground. Hands curling into fists, she smiled bright and terrible the way she used to smile before her victim crumpled to the ground with their blood coating her knuckles. She bit her lip, hard and focused on Wander. She wasn’t that person anymore, she’d never be again. Just as long as Wander was by her side. She squared her shoulders and sauntered into the town.  
It was as decrepit as she imagined and the sirens and screams only grew louder as they entered. Her eyes grazed over the crumbling buildings, barbed fences and desolate lots. She ignored a hijacked police cruiser, which was turning one eighties in the street, the squeal of rubber on concrete almost deafening, and focused on a crowded bar in what probably would have been main street if the street signs hadn’t been trashed.  
The windows were boarded over and glass coated the sidewalk in front of it. Light pooled out from between the slits of wood that covered it. Despite the fact that she was pretty sure it was noon here the planet was as dark as night. She was used to the unpredictable and constant change of time as they hopped from planet to planet, she and Wander had developed their own internal clocks at this point but she was pretty sure this planet’s sun was just farther from it, giving the whole planet a darker and colder atmosphere. Broken street lights flickered illuminating the alleyways around the bar, she could see musclebound men leering out from within the narrow spaces. The light reflecting off cruel fanged smiles before the lamp sparked and fell dark and the men were once again shrouded in darkness leaving her with only the haunting feeling of being watched. She glanced down at Wander who was scowling again and growling at a patch of broken glass then back at the bar where a row of motorcycles with illegal modifications were parked outside. The sounds of glass bottles being smashed, shouts of pain and anger filtered outside.  
Okay, I've got this. I’m Sylvia the motherflarping zbornax, I used to be one of the most feared bounty hunters in the galaxy. Ryder and I were the galaxy’s most wanted thieves. I've taken on armies single handedly and I’ve kept us alive in every single life threatening situation Wander has thrown us in. Just two days ago every single attempt we made at helping anyone in the galaxy ended in disaster and even Wander wanted to give up! But we risked our lives, stopped Hater and saved a star system and tons of planets. There's no way I'm going to let us be killed now. She tossed her hair out of her face, smirked wickedly and threw open the bar door with enough force to crack its heavy wooden frame. 

Commander Peepers had spent most of the morning screaming, of course that had done nothing to keep “Captain Tim” from running rampant around the skull ship, mauling the watchdogs and destroying huge sections of the skull ship while Lord Hater completely ignored the newest invasion plan in favor of throwing a squeaky toy for the homicidal abomination Wander had given him as a pet. Around noon, the entire watchdog army was either hiding in the nooks and crannies of the skull ship or spending the day on a distant planet where “Captain Tim” couldn’t attempt to rip their still beating hearts out. Eventually, exasperated,Peepers left as well.

Now he was resting his forehead against the cool wood of a bar. At least in Doomstone there was no possibility of running into Wander or Sylvia. He’d seen them far too often this week, first Lord Hater had seen a commercial for a fortune teller and insisted they go. And after he’d gotten a reading that was frankly, ridiculously accurate, he’d vowed to destroy the stars that had given him that fate. Of course, Wander and Sylvia burst in out of nowhere and had somehow disabled their rockets midair. 

Then the next day when he’d finally gotten Hater to focus on the invasion plan, Wander had given Hater “Captain Tim”. How could he just let some eldritch monstrosity rampage across the ship, spitting acid and attempting to devour everything in sight? And to have it outrank him? Captain his retina. 

He fiddled aimlessly with the helmet that he’d sat on the counter and spun on his bar stool. He’d gotten there not too long ago and only had a few drinks. He was determined he wasn’t going to stoop to ranting to the bartender about Wander and Sylvia.  
He’d kidnapped Wander the next night, yesterday. It'd been about as easy as expected. He’d found him, using his hat as a sleeping bag curled up on Sylvia’s back. He'd been a bit worried about waking Sylvia. Not only would he be nursing bruises and a black eye for a week, but it would ruin his first plan that actually caught Sylvia off guard. Every single time they ran into each other, she left him with bruises and a scathing criticism of his latest plan that he couldn't stop thinking about weeks later.  
This time he'd knock her off guard and shown her he wasn't as stupid as the others. He was the voice of reason. The bastion of sanity! She'd fear and respect him!  
But she'd slept soundly, despite the fact that she was lying on the ground and her head was resting on her arms rather than a pillow. Her face had been so open and vulnerable in her sleep, her long eyelashes had fluttered occasionally and she’d moan softly or call out to Wander, warning him about danger even in her sleep. But her eyes never opened and she never stirred beyond the occasional shiver.  
There was a dead fire not far from where she slept, but she had to be freezing. Didn't Wander have a blanket in his ridiculous hat? Honestly he probably would have gotten her a blanket if he'd had the time. Since they had ice cream, he always felt a twinge of guilt whenever she was hurt. He was pretty sure it was her fault, her and the stupid idea they could be friends. He didn't have to worry about it long though because he’d spent the entire night chasing Wander around the ship and getting mauled, beaten, bruised at every turn. Lord Hater still wouldn't let him live down the near destruction of the ship.  
The precious few moments he’d had with the skeleton were filled with snide comments like, “Hey, Peepers can you hand me that, or are you gonna make it self destruct too?” And of course Sylvia had still showed up and given him that disappointed look that made his stomach twist unpleasantly, along with a bruise the shape of her knuckles on his cheek.  
Suddenly the background noise of rowdy laughter, shattering glass and punches being thrown stopped. Peepers had gotten so used to it that he hadn't noticed it's presence but when it stopped dead, the silence was startling. And oddly accompanied with the sound of the door slamming open, so hard a crack snaked up its wooden frame. Peepers and the rest of the bar stared as two figures emerged from the darkness beyond the door. The first thing he saw was a flash of orange.  
He screwed his eyes shut it’s not Wander, it can’t be Wander. It wouldn’t make sense that out of the entire galaxy he’d be in Doomstone. And if by some infinitesimal chance he does come to Doomstone, it wouldn’t be at the same time I’m here. The odds of that are just too low. He grabbed his glass and knocked it back, downing it to steel himself for the inevitable despite the odds. Despite the fact that it was a cocktail and primarily juice and sugar, the alcohol burned the back of his throat.  
He couldn’t stand beer. The other watchdogs teased him about it when he made an appearance at celebrations, but that was okay. Lord Hater drank apple juice because he hated the taste of alcohol, the thought made him smile. Memories of them ditching parties where they didn’t belong, hanging out in the strategy room laughing as they made grand plans about what things would be like when he had conquered the universe. He felt himself relax, his shoulders losing tension and his lips quirking in a small smile. He took a deep breath and turned around, the occupants of the bar had returned to brawling, gambling and laughing. Wander was nowhere in sight, for the first time all day his smile widened into something genuine.  
He turned back to the bartender, a man with two heads and skin the color and texture of a lemon peel. He was running a rag over the same filthy cup, one head had its eyes fixed on the customers brawl a manic smile on it’s face. The other was watching Peepers with a smirk, it’s eyes flickering between the lighting bolt on his uniform and the empty cocktail glass in front of him. Peepers narrowed his eye in a glare that made the head retreat, that smirk still lingering.  
The other head nudged him and nodded to somewhere towards the back of the bar, laughing.  
Peepers studiously ignored this and whatever bloody brawl had broken out now, and frowned at his near empty glass.  
“Why hello there--” The bartender said to someone his voice dripping with desire. His other head was drooling, Peepers could tell by the liquid falling next to his glass. He made a disgusted face and focused harder on not looking up.

“What’s a nice little lady like you doing in a place like this?”

Peepers wasn’t planning on looking up, he wasn’t a good guy, he had no obligation to protect a complete stranger from some skeevy bartender. There wasn’t even any indication whatever poor girl he was hitting on was uncomfortable. But his eye twitched,his lips tightened into a scowl and his hand lowered to his blaster. He was listening closely now. He still didn’t look up, he didn’t want to give any indication he was listening. If it did come to a fight, he’d need the element of surprise.

“Look pal, I just want to find out where I could get some Orble juice” 

Peepers froze he knew that voice. He had spent so many days dodging her punches and trading insults as he tried desperately to regain control over the plans they’d turned to chaos. His head snapped up and he turned to face her. The second he did he fell out of his chair stuttering, he could feel the heat flooding his face.  
Oh glorn-she...guh...from where he’d fallen on the fall he was looking up at long, slick, black combat boots. His gaze followed them up past her thighs, where her shorts ended flarp- his eye traced the yellow trimming at the bottom and drank in the sight up the dark fabric against her skin. There was red trim circling her waist and he had to drag his eyes from the expanse of her exposed stomach. A whip still hung at her hips and his mind screamed for him to stop staring at her hips, her waist, her legs, her skin. Look her in the eye! He tried to oblige his head tipping back, but he was hypnotized by the sight of the red lightning bolt-his symbol, his colors emblazoned across her chest. He raised his eye higher not allowing his eye to linger any longer but his eye caught on the spikes adorning her shoulders he bit his lip so he wouldn’t gasp. She was looking down at him with mild amusement, an eyebrow raised above her violet eyes, dark makeup outlined them and he couldn’t look away. Her eyes shone with amusement and glorn- he wanted to chart the galaxies within her eyes. Her lips were blood red and quirked into a smirk. He felt his heart stutter in his chest.  
SHE CAN SEE YOU STARING  
His mind screamed and he wrenched his eye away, letting his head thud dully against the dirty floor and attempted to remember how to breathe but now, now he could see she was wearing a visor. Twin wicked spikes jutting out of the black armor that let her vibrant pink hair flow over. He realized he hadn’t been breathing or speaking. He was just lying on the floor just staring helplessly.  
She looked like a goddess of war  
He attempted to scramble to his feet, tripping and stumbling with his weak knees.  
She laughed, deep and resounding like thunder before offering him her hand. He scowled at himself but took it, it was encased in a thick red glove and he could feel brass along the knuckles as she closed her hand around his and pulled him to his feet.  
So this is what she’d look like if she was in Hater’s army. If she was on my side. This was better than the fantasies he tried so hard not to fall into, when he saw her across a battlefield. As beautiful and powerful as a force of nature.  
She let go of his hand and it took all his willpower not to reach after her.  
“What's wrong with your face” she said “it's all red I haven't even hit you yet  
He felt his face heat up even more  
“N-nothing, stop looking at me!” He blurted out “I-I mean what's wrong with your face, huh? I haven't even hit you yet! Check and mate!”  
Both she and the bartender took a moment to stare at him before she burst into laughter “I don't know, I think I pull this off better than you, Peepers.”  
He was trying to form a cohesive sentence when the bartender spoke up “I'll say!”  
He could see him behind her shoulder nodding both heads, one still drooling, the other grinning a sleazy smile with his eyes fixed on her.  
He didn’t respond, instead he pulled his blaster from its holster and fired a shot past her shoulder just close enough to the bartender's drooling head to singe him and shatter a bottle on the shelf behind him.  
Sylvia’s head snapped towards the sound and the bartender froze both sets of eyes wide, both heads bearing horrified expressions.  
Peepers smiled slow and dangerous and the bartender spun on his heel and retreated into the kitchen.  
“What the flarp, Peepers!” Sylvia snapped with a glare “I was trying to get orble juice.”  
She stared at him, impatiently waiting for an explanation.  
“He-he said you looked better in the uniform.” He offered, avoiding her eyes. As if he regularly shot at people over disagreements in fashion as if he were vain instead of terribly insecure. 

“Ugh, this is so like you! First you’ve gotta kidnap Wander and now you’ve gotta mess with me when you’re obviously off duty.”  
She laid a heavy glove clad hand on his helmet and pushed him backwards, hard. He’d been training though, and managed to use the momentum and remain solidly on his feet instead of being slammed through the wall like he normally would have.

“What if I kidnapped Hater while you were sleeping?!” She settled on a barstool, blowing hair out of her face with an irritated huff, before grabbing his cocktail and taking a sip

“Okay first of all, I didn’t kidnap him.” Peepers said, climbing onto the barstool next to her and feeling calmer. He could handle arguing with her. “Literally all I did was show up and say ‘Hi’ and he came aboard! It’s not my fault you don’t watch your idiot better--”

“Watch my idiot better? You better watch yourself!” She raised a fist threateningly.  
He ignored her, and continued 

“Besides it’s completely fair! You gave Hater that-that abomination! The entire army either left or is in hiding and Hater! He’s just--” He groaned running a hand down his face.

Sylvia laughed so hard she snorted, “Oh my glorn, seriously? The whole army left? He’s playing with it, isn’t he? I bet he’s playing with it! I could just see him throwing a squeaky toy while the thing tries to maul him.”

Peepers scowled at her, but she just laughed harder, leaning over and placing a hand on his back.  
He froze, eyes widening.  
She was close,so close.  
In his frustration things had felt normal. He’d forgotten how breathtakingly beautiful she was. He was suddenly flooded with memories of when she’d been trying to escape that planet, of when she’d cornered him,the first time she’d taken his breath away...well without punching him anyway. He was staring again, and he couldn’t seem to look away her lips twisted in a smile and he felt himself lean upwards just a bit, like he was stargazing, caught in the siren song of the endless sky.  
He was so close now.  
His lips poised under hers, if he leaned up just an inch more…

 

Some distant part of his brain screamed at him, that they weren’t even friends that they couldn’t be friends let alone whatever this was. You’ve only known her for like two weeks and every single flarping time you run into her, she beats you senseless. 

Then she licked a drop of sugary pink cocktail from her lips and he lost the ability to think.

Her fingers that were resting on top of his helmet wrapped around the lighting bolt like she was going to tip his head back and lower her lips to his. She took a breath, there in the space between them and he could feel it against his lips like the ghost of a kiss. 

“Sylvia.” He breathed out in a hushed almost reverent tone.

Her lips looked so soft and full in the bar light, he felt her fingers tighten around the lightning bolt on his helmet and his eye fluttered closed.

Then the world spun, she’d spun the barstool and his helmet simultaneously

He gaped at the blurred image of her as he spun “WHA-what!? You- you!”

“You should have seen your face” she said, breathless with laughter

He tried to glare at her, but with the world still spinning as it was, he couldn’t tell which Sylvia was real and which was a trick of his double vision.

“Okay, okay--” She said seemingly done laughing, “I--” She burst into laughter again and he glared at her, then the walls as his barstool spun again.  
“Okay- I forgive you for kidnapping Wander.” She said as the room started to stabilize and she’d finally stopped laughing. “But only because your face was hilarious and you’ve got enough to deal with, with Hater.”

“Why would I care if you forgive me?” He snapped, scrambling to the floor so she couldn’t spin him again. 

He wanted to scream. She and he almost-- She did that on purpose! She had to have! His face felt hot and a lump formed in his throat that he couldn't quite swallow. He refused to think it could be disappointment.

She rolled her eyes, but gave him a teasing smile. “Cuz I just might pull my punches if I’m not mad at you.”

“I don’t need you to do that! Didn't you see how fast I came back when you hit me! I've been training and working out! Aren't you--” He bit his tongue before the word “impressed” left his lips.

Oh glorn, I've actually been trying to impress her, haven't I? 

Sylvia smiled and looked him up and down from where she sat on the barstool, he felt himself shiver and his face flood with heat. Was she checking him out? Because it kinda felt like she was checking him out. He tried to subtly stand on his tiptoes. It didn't work, she snorted as he stumbled back to his usual height.

Sylvia dragged her gaze over his arms, which were now corded with muscle. She wouldn't say it, not even to Wander, but she was kinda impressed. She'd only told him he'd need to work out if he wanted to go head to head with her a couple weeks ago, but he'd obviously dedicated a lot of time and effort into this just based a joke she'd made in passing. It was sort of incredible, and if she was completely honest with herself, she was sorta relieved to see him here. She was mad at him, of course, before she'd been planning on knocking him senseless the next time she saw him. Seriously what kind of glarp sucking flarper kidnapped people in the dead of night?! And why'd he have to shoot the bartender? She wasn't even messing with him, she just wanted some flarping orble juice!  
But standing here among ruthless murderers and hardened criminals that would kill each other to rip her throat out if they knew who she was before, seeing Peepers pouting into a cocktail glass with his feet swinging beneath him not quite touching the floor. Watching him stutter and fall over his feet as a deep dark blush bloomed across his cheeks made it easier to breath, to hold her head high and pretend to be haughty and dangerous. It made it easier to fall into the new patterns they'd been creating. She knew she should be searching for somewhere else to get orble juice and somewhere in the back of her mind an alarm blared reminding her, Wander was alone in this place, but she was actually having fun and it was so easy to forget all her problems when laughing at his.  
She watched him try to stand on his tiptoes and stumble to the ground, scowling at his feet as if they had betrayed him and laughed, a surprised laugh. She wasn't sure how he managed to make her laugh so much in such a horrible situation. Normally only Wander could do that.  
“Nah, still noodle-y.” She teased, waiting for him to sputter in protest and challenge her. He didn't disappoint .

Peepers gaped. “Still noodle-y?” He echoed incredulously. 

He flexed an arm and looked from her to it indignantly. Did she know how long it took to get to this point? And how hard it was to find time to work out while babysitting Hater, whipping an entire army into shape and executing complex plans while chasing them! Noodle-y his retina! 

“You know what! You know what!” 

“I do not.” She said in a bored tone, idly twirling the tiny umbrella that had been in his cocktail. If he knew her better, he would have seen the spark of amusement in her eye or known that she used to bait Ryder and her old friends like this too. Wander didn’t exactly play rough, she wouldn’t pick a fight with him and when they did do stupid stuff like, Say Uncle she’d let him win. 

“I--THAT IS MINE!” Peepers sputtered, standing on top of the barstool and snatching the tiny umbrella from her fingers.

She bit her lip as he very seriously tucked the umbrella into his helmet with an indignant huff.

“Mm hmm, and is that tiny umbrella part of the standard uniform, Commander?”

“I-YOU-SHUT UP!” 

He took a deep calming breath and adjusted the umbrella with as much dignity as he could muster .

“You and me, Zbornax! Arm wrestling! Let’s go! We’ll see who's really noodle-y! No gloves, I'll take you down fair and square!” 

He glared down at her from where he was still standing on the barstool, looking far too pleased at his new found height. 

“Are-are you actually trying to threaten me while using the word noodle-y?” She raised an eyebrow and bit harder on her trembling lip to suppress her laughter 

“No! I mean it's your word! I just- ugh!” He ground his palm into his face for a few moments, and she took the opportunity to snap a picture with her phone and type “He likes to be tall” before sending it to Wander.

Oh flarp Wander! 

“Flabscrabblin hamstraggler.” She muttered.

“Haha! You are afraid!” Peepers said triumphantly.

“Yeah, afraid I left my idiot unattended for too long.” She was looking over him now, not at him eyes scanning for the splash of orange he had so desperately avoided. 

He suppressed a scream. No! No she was not going to get the upper hand! Not again! Whatever kind of mind game she was playing, he could play too! He scrambled up a barstool, took off his helmet and combed his hand through his hair.

“Oh, but Sylvia we haven’t even started to have fun~” He smirked.  
“Let me buy you a drink.” He looked up at her from beneath his eyelashes and gave her his most charming smile.

There! He could flirt and throw her off balance too!

She didn't look back at him or seem to notice what he'd said. She was too busy looking for Wander, ducking around rowdy patrons and peering under legs.

He did scream then, a sound of pure frustration as he slammed his helmet back on “I WILL BEAT YOU, JUST WAIT!” 

“Psh, I’d break your arm and they'd have to scrape your scrawny butt from these floors, C-Peeps.” She muttered.

He pulled at his hair in frustration. What the flarp! Was she playing dumb? He obviously wasn’t talking about arm wrestling! He ran his hands over his face and flopped back down on the barstool. This was hopeless. Why was he even trying? Obviously she was a master of manipulation and nothing he did or said could so much as distract her, let alone throw her off her game the way she did to him.

“I still can't believe I got so distracted, I was having too much fun.” She muttered, shaking her head in frustration.

“You got distracted because you were having fun with me?” Peepers echoed, a smile slowly spreading across his face.  
HA! EAT IT, ZBORNAX, I TOTALLY GOT TO YOU! ALL POINTS TO ME!  
He stopped himself from actually saying that and schooled his expression from one of glee into somewhere between disinterest and scorn when she glanced back at him 

“I told you to watch your idiot better.” He scoffed, pretending to inspect his nails.

 

She turned on him with a scowl, the fear in her eyes giving way to anger. “And I told you to watch yourself.” She took a few steps closer and she was towering over him, eyes blazing, hands curled into tight fists. She smiled a feral smile and he tried not to swoon. 

Then she noticed that he was staring at his gloved fingers and snorted, rage melting into amusement. “Was that you trying to be casual? Oh my glorn, you’re trying to make me mad enough to arm wrestle you. You’re desperate to prove you aren’t noodle-y aren’t you?” 

“What? No, I- stop! I was just winning.”

She laughed. “Optic nerd.”

“Come on! One round!” He challenged, “I’ll take you out in ten minute tops! I dare you! I double dog dare you! What are you scared?”

Her smile widened into something genuine but her eyes drifted back to the crowd and it fell. She bit her lip and looked pensive. 

“It won’t take long, I'll have you on the ground in seconds.” 

Her eyes didn't stray from their search and one of her boots tapped nervously against the floor.

He bit his lip and almost let her go. This competition was the kind of stupid and immature he was always trying to drag Hater away from. He scowled up at her remembering, how he'd felt something like lightning sing through him when she had been so close, her tongue tracing her bottom lip...  
He glared up at her. Forget immature, he was going to make her forget how to breathe, he was going to make her forget even Wander. He was going to make her forget everything but his name.

But as he glared he saw she was smiling genuinely, no hint of guile or satisfaction. He'd done countless interrogations. He knew how to read people and yet all he could see was amusement, a hint of playful competition and concern for her friends. She...she really didn't know what she was doing to him. But she had to! What about what she did when she spun his chair and when Wander was captured! He tried to think objectively of what had happened she'd walked into a dangerous bar and asked for orble juice, presumably to get out of said dangerous bar- but she’d looked so-  
That was objective and blaming his behavior on her appearance would make him as much of a flarp boy as Awesome and he was not going to stoop that low, no matter what was going on.  
Okay, so then he acted like a complete idiot and she'd laughed and teased him as per usual and then he shot at the creepy bartender and she'd gotten mad, she pushed him around, argued with him and teased him but was generally friendly.  
Oh glorn.  
It was all in his head wasn't it?  
But! She'd checked him out, he'd seen her look at his arms!  
After he'd told her to.  
Okay, but what about the barstool thing?  
She just got in your face, spun you around and made fun of you. What else is new?  
But what about when they were fugitives? That had to be intentional!  
She just threatened to strangle you got in your face, had a friendly conversation with you and left when you told her where Wander was.  
He'd actually imagined all this and if he'd imagined all the flirting and the mind games and she wanted to be his friend despite the fact that they were on opposing sides of what was practically a ridiculous war. Why not let her go/ He had no reason to try and one up her and he knew exactly what she was going through. So why was he even trying to stop her? He was still dying to arm wrestle her and feel her hand in his, to impress her and get her to feel what he felt when she looked at him like that, why?  
Obviously everyone was right when they said he needed to get out more. But! He was out now so why? Maybe she was right when she said he needed more friends. But it couldn’t be her, and maybe she was intoxicating in the worst way, but that didn’t mean anything. he could do stupid things like this, teasing her, trying to impress her, flirti- playing mind games! Obviously it was nothing but mind games. Whatever it was it was so stupid. The kind of stupid he’d been when he first had that glorn awful crush on Hater. 

Oh.

Oh, glorn no.

He looked back up at her, she was peering out into the crowd and hissing her friend’s name with a hint of desperation. 

She needed to go. he should let her go. He should let this all go. Commanders of evil regimes did not get crushes and they certainly didn’t get crushes on heroes like her. 

He tried to take a step back, tried to turn back to the bar and take his thoughts back to Hater and “Captain Tim” but his chest ached at the sight of her back turned on him and a quiet voice in the back of his mind begged just one more conversation. one more smile, just make her laugh one more time, just impress her once and then you can completely ignore her .

“Are you a man or are you a zbornak?” He challenged, fixing her with a smirk

She spun on her heel at the words, her foot stilled and her wandering eyes settled on his. She looked at him, only him, and smiled.

Peepers felt as if a solar flare had pierced his chest.

“Alright, I'm in!” 

 

She slid on the bar stool and spun it slightly, her eyes still fixed on his with an intensity only she could achieve. She propped her arm up with her elbow steady and strong. She held out her hand and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

He set his arm up, trying to get the best position for the most leverage. Equations and calculations ran through his head but he couldn’t focus, his eyes kept drifting back to hers. He raised his hand up next to hers so close his hand almost brushed hers, but he waited. Maybe he wanted her to grab his hand, despite everything. Despite the way they exchanged blows and insults carelessly, he couldn't bring himself to touch her without her permission. 

“Today, Peepers!” She said. “I've got a idiot to protect.” 

He closed his hand around hers tightly, marveling at the warmth of her skin, he could feel calluses on her fingers that were curled around his hand. His eyes were fixed on their intertwined hands. If her grip was just a little softer he could almost imagine, almost see it. Her coming here just to see him, she'd still tease him and they'd still have to fight but maybe in the quiet moments in between he could hold her hand like this. He could be hers. If he was, would she have kissed him or would she have tapped her finger on his lip and asked him if he wanted to kiss her and when he managed to speak- to beg for it, tell him to arm wrestle her for it? Would she flirt like she fought?What would it be like to be with her? 

“Peepers!” She snapped, she was waiting and she expected a fight.

“Let’s do this.” He said with a smirk

He went straight for the kill, wrenching at her arm with all his might, optimizing the leverage.

She feigned a yawn, unmoved. 

He threw all his weight behind it.

She slammed his arm onto the bar and smiled.

“See? Still Noodle-y.”

I changed my mind, the quiet voice in his head said I’m not going to ignore her I'm going to slam her into the ground with how impressed she is. I'm going to make her feel exactly how she made me feel and leave like it’s nothing. I don't care that this is a one sided crush not a competition, I'm going to win.

His arm ached. She dropped his hand and smiled at him. “You're gonna have to do better than that. But hey, thanks. You made being bad fun. It almost makes me wanna join Hater’s army.”

His jaw dropped and he almost fell off the barstool, his mouth worked for awhile before he could speak 

“R-r-really?”

“Nah!” She said with a laugh “See ya around.” She ran into the crowd and he heard her hiss 

“How did you start a bar fight!? There are literally muffins scarier than you!” 

The sounds of breaking glass and smashing chairs and growling filled the bar until it was interrupted by the sound of the door being kicked open, the roar of a motorcycle engine and Wander’s laughter. 

He slammed his forehead into the bar and laid there for a few moments. 

Well flarp.

Maybe if he gave himself a concussion he would stop feeling so many things.

He slammed his head into the bar again.

Nope, he still had a crush. 

And all of that had still happened 

Hm, third time's the charm 

“Struck out, huh, buddy?” A smug voice crooned.

He looked up to see one of the bartender’s heads leaning over him with a grin, while the other muttered “tsk, tsk” with false sympathy.

“What part of me shooting at you made you think it was safe to talk to me?” He propped his head up one one hand and glared, the kind of glare that made his soldiers stand at attention, planets cower, Sylvia laugh and Wander pinch his cheeks but he didn't think they counted.

The bartender kept smiling. “The part where you drank fruity cocktails, tripped over your own tongue when that Zbornax walked in and trailed after her like a lovesick puppy.”

His other head laughed. “You shot at me for hitting on her and you still lost her.”

“I didn't lose her because I wasn't trying to get her! She's just an-” he bit his tongue before he said ‘obnoxious hero’ he didn't want to blow her cover or be known as a villain that hung out with heroes. That'd just sully Hater’s bad reputation. It was bad enough he'd acted like that in public.

“- idiot soldier”

One of the bartender’s heads gave out a low whistle, as the other said.  
“Sign me up for that army!”

Peepers scoffed “Like you’d have a snowball's chance in hell of getting in, let alone getting a high enough rank to even interact with a warrior like her.”

“You've got it baaaadd” He sang, with a slightly manic laugh.

Peepers shot him this time, his warning shots gone with his patience. His blaster leaving the man’s cheek singed and smoking.

“Shut up.”

He holstered his gun, dropped from the barstool to the floor and spun on his heel without sparing him a glance. As he left the bar he realized the bar was empty except for the bartender. He stepped out into the street expecting the darkened, dingy streets littered with glass, and broken down buildings spray painted with gang signs and the taste of smoke from a blaster hanging in the rancid air. The stolen police cruiser should have still been wrecked and hanging out the front of a building and the sick twisted murderers and heartless criminals should have been beating each other into a bloody pulp in the streets. 

But he was met with warm artificial sunshine glowing from orbs that floated around the city, following those bloodthirsty monsters as they swept the streets, repainted shops in pastels that now bore signs like “Slagathor’s Bakery” and “Munich The Slaughterer’s Fashion Boutique”.  
A group of men with fanged smiled and slitted eyes were happily tending to a community garden in the abandoned lot next to the bar. Beautiful, bioluminescent plants grew in elaborate patterns filling the city with light and a light floral scent mixed with the smell of soil, rain and fresh baked pie.  
An old withered man with wicked claws and glowing red eyes stood on a street corner reading “To Kill A Mockingbird” to a gang of young teenagers who were listening in rapt attention. Their weapons left in a bowl that a fire breathing monstrosity was melting down and shaping into elaborate jewelry. 

Music filtered through the streets mixed with hideous laughter. As he craned his head he could see disturbing children with a ghostly pallor, dancing happily as a giant with rippling muscles and a tattoo of a kill count that stretched down his stomach, played the violin sweetly.

“What the actual flarp.” He muttered.

He walked the streets, staring dumbstruck at every new display of beauty and kindness he saw until he'd reached the edge of town where he'd parked his ship. The barbed wire and locks were gone, the thick walls encasing the city had been painted with elaborate murals of the galaxy and arched in a welcoming marble entrance entwined with ivy and bioluminescent flowers that illuminated the entrance. Doomstone’s horrifying sign with weapons sticking out at odd angles had been replaced by a wooden sign carefully carved and painted neatly with yellow pastel overlaid with white calligraphy that read “Congenial Rock”

As he headed to his ship, he heard cheering and saw a small group of terrifying monsters and living nightmares gathered beneath an orble bubble where Sylvia and Wander stood. Sylvia had changed into her usual outfit, her makeup scrubbed off and Wander looked like he always did. The crowd was offering them fresh baked pies and telling them to come back soon.

Peepers gaped, she really was a hero wasn't she? He waited for his attraction to die with the realization, for his fantasies to crumple and his mind return to Hater and his army and what to do about “Captain Tim”. But it didn't. And as Wander gushed his thanks to the adoring crowd, her eyes wandered and found him. She raised an arm in a wave and smiled. He felt his lips curl into a smile involuntarily in response. She cupped a hand to her mouth and called “Later, C-Peeps!” She laughed “Maybe next time you can keep up!” Throwing him a playful wink. 

I hate her. He told himself, but his stuttering heart didn't listen and he watched as she ran off into the cosmos, as wild and beautiful as a force of nature, laughter on her lips. He watched and watched until there was nothing left to see in the starry sky. He stepped mechanically into his ship trying not to think, trying not to feel.


	3. The Hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a lot of fluff, probably a little too much, but I hope you like it. This was based on a prompt from InkMango the Fabulous. Thanks, InkMango! If you guys have any ideas or constructive criticism please let me know I'm trying to grow as a writer

I am an entity of immense power as old as the universe itself. I have the ability to see all the different paths your life can take and I know exactly what can guide you towards the best life you could lead and the worst. I've lived thousands of lives with thousands of people and experienced indescribable wonders and unspeakable horrors. I've watched the rise and fall of many empires on many planets, I am the remnants of a dying god.  
I'm also a hat that's currently being used as a sleeping bag, crazy how those things work out, huh? I don't mind too much. I mean occasionally being treated like a simple fashion accessory and the millenniums and millenniums of wisdom and power I've amassed being treated like a party trick gets the tiniest bit annoying. Just the tiniest though, I mean it’s not like I’d screw up their lives or anything. Of course, I guide people to the right path no matter how I'm treated and I’m never passive aggressive about it... Okay, that's a lie but you try outliving galaxies without becoming the slightest bit sarcastic.  
Being a sleeping bag, isn't the worst thing I've been used for or the most humiliating besides I like Wander. He doesn't make me miss all the nations I'd saved and the wonders I've seen, because that's what he does. He saves planets of people and seeks out the galaxy’s beauty. Like just last week, he’d helped the kingdom of Baaa-halla defeat a troll and overcame a test given by the lords of illumination themselves.  
Lately though I find I like watching him and the people around him more. I doubt they know I'm sentient, even Wander can't fathom the depth of what I used to be. I hate the powerlessness of being unable to move or communicate through anything but my gifts sometimes, but one perk of being overlooked is getting to be the one who sees it all. I think I miss watching soap operas.  
The planet we’re spending the night on is quiet, aside from the chirping of grasshoppers and soft singing of the nocturnal lizards. Its only other inhabitants are the flora and fauna. Its air is warm and humid, filled with the scent of overripe fruit, rich soil and what remains after a heavy summer storm. It makes the night seem softer and more welcoming as if it's soothing you to sleep. I don't sleep, I can't anymore but I can still feel its tranquility. Wander’s chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm and I can feel his heartbeat. Sylvia has her body curled protectively around Wander as if it's a shield. As if she could protect him from every danger in the universe. Her eyes are screwed shut as she sleeps fitfully “Wander! No, come back…” she mutters. I wonder if knowing she wasn't Wander’s only protector or that Wander was so much more than she thought he was would ease her troubled mind. I doubt it, protecting others is the only thing that makes her feel safe.  
Wander stirs, rising with his own internal clock he slips out of my cotton embrace, stretching in the warm night air and smiles brightly at me. I don't think he knows I can see him but I’ve seen him act the same towards everything, smiling at teacups and flowers as if he could share his happiness with them.  
“Another beautiful day” he whispers, I don’t know why he bothers Sylvia has spent every ounce of energy she had protecting him, she isn't going to wake for hours. He flips me onto his head with practiced ease, humming a melody he probably made up on the spot. I can’t see his face from here, but I can hear the soft smile in his voice. He finds a grove of trees and stares up at them. The ripe fruit is too high, the trees are too tall and he’s too small, he doesn’t have enough muscle built up in his scrawny arms to scale it. I gather bandages.  
A few moments later he’s crouched on the ground, fresh juicy fruit gathered around him. He’s bandaging his leg with shaky hands biting his lip so a pained noise can’t escape. There’s blood dripping down his pale freckled leg and seeping into the soil but he’s not hurt that badly, I still feel slightly sick as involuntary tears spill from the corner of his eyes. He turns back to the tree with a slightly tired, pained smile and pats its trunk kindly.  
“Thank you.” he says  
He scoops me up and adjusts me on his head “and thank you, Hat.” He pulls his socks up higher to cover the bandage on his lower leg, Sylvia will notice anyway.  
I watch as he gathers up the fruit and offer him glasses, a juicer and ice. He spends a while on the hot ground with his legs crossed as he makes the best juice he can and I watch as he pours all the pulp into his glass. He looks around the horizon, trying to find something to make breakfast with. I’ve seen him wander, shivering through a frozen tundra to gather mushrooms and eggs from the remotest parts of a planet to put together a warm breakfast for his friend. Luckily there’s a bird’s nest not too far off.  
A couple hours later after he’s built a fire, found, cleaned and diced wild parsley and onions, scrambled the eggs and fed every hungry creature he can find. He places a warm plate by where Sylvia is sleeping. She’s having a nightmare about losing him again, he pretends he doesn’t notice, but smooths back her hair comfortingly. I know our next stop, but I hope against hope that for once he’ll just lay back down by his best friend and watch the sunrise, it’s brilliant at the moment, spilling over the horizon. I offer him orble juice anyway, he forms a bubble around himself and walks off into the cosmos towards where he knows the skull ship will be parked, just left of the last planet he saved from them. The watchdogs have been told again and again not to tell him where they've parked but they always will. He slips in through the door silently and creeps down the long forbidding halls. He passes the barracks and the armory and slips into Lord Hater’s room.  
The now familiar room is unreasonably large, it would be lavish and tasteful if it wasn’t for the trash, dirty laundry and spilled soda coating the floor. The bed takes up most of the space, speakers protruding from it and guitars lined up in a neat row beside it. Wander has to step over a few unused weights that are scattered in front of the door. The skeletal war lord snores, wrapped in silk red sheets. Captain Tim sleeps beneath him, snarling and twitching as he dismembers something in his dreams.  
Wander clasps his hands to his cheek and sighs happily “They’re just the cutest” he murmurs.  
I resist the urge to give him a pair of glasses or the number of a good psychiatrist. He creeps past the heartless monster I’ve seen cause the extinction of many species and pats its head lovingly, before carefully stepping over its mutilated squeaky toys and reaching the warlord's alarm clock. He quietly turns the alarm off for two more hours, Sylvia would pull out her own hair if she knew he did this daily so Hater “wouldn't be grumpy the rest of the day”.  
He slips out of the room and shuts the door soundlessly. He turns towards Commander Peepers’ room next. There’s a neatly polished plaque on the door that I’m certain Peepers made himself. His room is disorganized which is strange, it’s always almost clinically clean with his bed made so a quarter could bounce off it, a graph and battle plan neatly arranged on his desk and his uniform ironed and stretched out over his wardrobe. But this morning his sheets are tangled around him and he’s half off the bed, mumbling and tossing in his sleep. His uniform is nowhere in sight. Crumpled balls of paper litter the floor beneath his desk where a map is laid out surrounded by broken pencils and three now cold coffee cups still full at varying levels. His miniatures are placed carefully across the map except for two. The wooden replica of him sits away from the rest of the battle surrounded by crumpled balls of notebook paper, atop The Art of War. Sylvia’s miniature is missing. Wander doesn’t notice anything but the disorder, he frowns worriedly before kneeling by Peeper’s shoes so he can raise their soles another half inch so Peepers will think he grew. He turns back to where Peepers is fitfully sleeping and eases his body into a comfortable position and settles the blankets around him gently before turning to leave. I can see him running through his checklist in his mind. 

“Next I should feed Emperor Awesome’s white tigresses, and a little after dawn I should go help the watchdogs practice for their tether ball finals, I know that’s coming up soon and they’ll be waiting…” he mutters to himself

I know the rest, he would throw away anything that doesn’t have a name on it in the watchdogs’ fridge and hit Lord Hater’s snooze button at least two more times as well as rushing around the galaxy to do countless tasks, but Peepers isn’t used to Wander’s muttering like Sylvia is and he’s already stirring. At least in a cell, Wander will get some rest.

“Wander?” Peepers groans, rolling out of bed and groggily grabbing the blaster by his bedside, I notice Sylvia's replica is clutched in his hand, Wander doesn't and Peepers quickly drops it on the bed.

“Mornin’, Mister Peepers!” Wander calls with a smile, too enthusiastic for just after sunrise. “Do you want me to make your breakfast?”

“Make me breakfast...what- I? Is it even seven in the flarping morning yet?” There’s an edge of desperation to Peepers’ voice as if he might sob. 

“Well, I’m not sure about that, see I keep time based on the alignment of the planets and the feelin’ in my guts”

“Flarping space hobos” Peepers mutters slapping his palm against his face with one hand, as the other presses a gun into Wander’s back.

“Where’s your babysitter?” He asks, then looks annoyed at himself for asking

Wander shrugs and gives him a sunny smile “Well, you know Syl, she’s not an early bird”

“No! I don’t know ‘Syl’! We are not friends! None of us! Especially not Sylvia and me! Er...Sylvia and I. I still have bruises from the last time I saw her! I hate her with every fiber of my being, I even hate her more than I hate you and you are solely responsible for making my job a living hell!” He hisses, venom dripping from each syllable 

Wander blinks at him, I’m surprised too I think the worst I’d ever heard him call her before was “Stupid Zbornax”

“Stupid, ugly Zbornax who sucks at strategy and looks stupid in leather and doesn’t understand anything about what I’m going through!” he mutters under his breath, his insults continue getting more specific,he's alfway through complaining about how much he hates that she snorts when she laughs and how she loves dumb puns when he seems to remember Wander’s presence.

“Can you just leave? For once?” He pleads 

“I’ll delete the footage you were here and I can just go back to bed.” He bargains

That probably would have worked at least for awhile, Wander did have tigeresses to feed after all but then Peepers got ambitious

“Actually let’s go crazy, why don’t you just spread joy and friendship, banjo-ness in the next galaxy over, I’ll delete any information we have on you from the database and we’ll both be happy” He looks like he’s moments away from actually falling to his knees and begging Wander to leave

“Aw! But I’d miss you soo much, C-Peeps!” Wander cooes bypassing the blaster pressed into his side and wrapping his arms around Peepers who flails and makes disgusted noises 

“Ugh! Don’t hug me! Don’t you have a shred of professionalism or a basic understanding of personal space?!”

Wander releases him but shakes his head so hard, his curly red locks fall in his eyes.

Peepers groans “Just, just get in a cell before Hater sees you and you ruin the invasion I’ve been planning for, for weeks.” 

Wander shrugs amiably as he’s dragged to the prison block, waving happily at the watchdogs who are waking up. 

Peepers pauses before shoving him into a cell and squints suspiciously at me, “Is that how you keep getting out?” 

Wander blinks at him innocently 

“I bet you have everything in here, there’s no way there’s not lock picks!” 

He snatches me up and reaches inside, he seems shocked that his hand came back clutching a bag of espresso mix.

“You carry around coffee in your hat?” 

Wander shrugs and settles on the seat in the cell, his feet are swinging beneath him, not quite touching the ground.

“Wh-! Why, that’s just- never mind it doesn’t matter. Look I’m going to make coffee and try to fix whatever you’ve done. You just stay!”

 

Wander gives him a considering look and stares at where I hang from his hand.

“Okay” he says, finally “I trust you with my Hat C-peeps”

Peepers doesn't seem to notice that he said “Hat” the same way he said C-Peeps that it's a nickname and the way he said “my Hat” is a term of endearment not possession. I don’t mind, I know it’s safer if he thinks I’m just a hat.

“You do realize you’re a prisoner right?” Peepers asks, giving him an incredulous look

Wander continues to stare him down, with that steady trusting gaze.

“Fine, I’ll make sure no one messes with your hat. Glorn, just stay here”

Wander turns the full force of his smile on Commander Peepers who gives him a glare in return 

“Don’t tease him too much” Wander calls to me as Peepers spins on his heel and stalks out of the prison block.

“Tease who?” Peepers asks, his brow furrowing in confusion and annoyance “Wandering weirdo” 

He tucks me under his arm and shuffles off towards the kitchen, clutching the coffee gratefully. I watch as he ignores the watchdogs around him, scowling to ward off any attempts at friendly conversation. He makes it to the coffee machine and starts adding the espresso mix. The machine shirrs and the strong scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air. I watch the tension fall from his shoulders as he holds the steaming cup below his nose and inhales deeply, a peaceful expression crossing his face.

An alarm blares and he jumps, scalding coffee spilling on his skin and the floor. Well, he’s awake now. 

“Flarp! The invasion rally!” 

He runs to the auditorium and stumbles through the stage door. The army of watchdogs are already in their uniforms and cheering as Lord Hater poses threateningly, green lightning crackling at his fingertips. He of course knows nothing about the invasion, but basks in the attention anyway.  
Peepers peers out behind the curtains still clutching me, his helmet forgotten and his black hair mussed. He’s still wearing the white tank top with a coffee stain along with the black fuzzy pajamas pants that he’d worn to bed. He was barefoot and his blaster, note cards and graphs were still in his room. I let them tumble to the floor in front of him.  
“Oh thank glorn, I thought I’d forgot them!” he cries, too frazzled to notice he hadn’t been carrying them before. He scrambles to the floor to gather them and I consider his bed head and frazzled appearance, it’s so uncharacteristic of him not to be ready and in uniform at military standard time.

“Flarp” he mutters “Flarp, I said I’d go to bed after that last plan I scrapped and now look at me. Hater’s going to kill me.” 

I subtly throw a uniform over a chair behind the curtain. I go to toss a helmet too, not his of course but just something to get him by, but something stops me. I know he’ll be happier without it, I don’t know why and I’m certain Sylvia is coming any moment and he’ll sure as hell need it then. But some cosmic energy tells me to let it go, so I do. Peepers sees the uniform strewn over the chair and his face lights up “Finally some luck!”  
He sets me down next to his carefully arranged graphs and gets dressed, he runs his hands through his hair, straightens the uniform, gathers up the graphs and plans, not noticing I’m also in his arms and steps onstage.

“Who’s ready for an invasion!” He cheers and the crowd roars with applause and whistles

He carefully sets up his graphs, dropping me on the stage. Gee, thanks, buddy. It’s not like I gave you everything you need not to humiliate yourself or anything.

“I can’t hear you!” he calls

“Hear this, optic nerd!” A voice says from the back of the crowd, cutting through the cheers and rock music. 

Peepers watches in horror and I watch in amusement as waves of watchdogs collapse to the ground with groans of pain and Sylvia steps on their bodies.  
She hadn’t even put gel in her hair so instead of her typical mohawk vibrant pink hair frames one side of her face in messy curls. She slept in her clothes and they’re wrinkled and sand sprinkled. She’s got a scowl on her face, but her eyes don’t match they’re soft with sleep and flutter shut a bit longer than necessary when she blinks. There’s a piece of egg on her cheek. I’m sure she gave Wander some time before she went looking for him, knowing how he feeds the wildlife in the mornings and ate breakfast.  
I think she looks more tired than intimidating but the watchdogs cower, Lord Hater shouts at his army to attack and throws bolts of green lightning at the crowd either unaware or unsympathetic to the watchdogs he’s striking down. Peepers looks like he’s been slapped across the face, his cheeks flushed, lips parted and eyes wide. She continues her path of destruction to the stage, unhindered by the frantic army. She makes eye contact with Peepers and I can see a fire burning in her steady, albeit sleepy gaze.

“I told you once, and I’m not going to say it again don’t you dare lay a flarping finger on Wander while I’m sleeping.” She leaps onto the stage and lands in a fighting position with her whip stretched between her hands.

“Wander’s here?” Hater interrupts, stopping mid tantrum to search the room as if he’d just overlooked Wander. 

Peepers breaks out of his stupor to glare at him “Sir! You promised you wouldn’t ruin this invasion-”

“Hiya, Hatey did ya miss me?” Wander calls turning the corner to beam at him and wink. 

“Wander!” Sylvia calls with a relieved smile 

He fires finger guns at her and she rolls her eyes “You can call me when you're kidnapped you know” 

Hater interrupts with the kind of noise you'd expect to hear from a feral animal “WANDER!” He shrieks, stomping on the bodies of the fallen watchdogs as he rushes at Wander.

Wander stays perfectly still, big grin still in place, his eyes shining. 

Hater storms closer, eye socket twitching. 

Wander’s smile grows, everyone in the room can see this is a trick, bait. Everyone can tell that Wander is going to do something to infuriate Hater and bolt dragging him off on some silly game.

The watchdogs are watching with varying degrees of amusement and annoyance, Sylvia is grinning and Peepers is pulling at his own hair.

“Sir, please!” He cries in a last ditch attempt to stop him

But Hater isn’t listening, he’s mere feet away, now mere inches.

Slowly his spine straightens beneath those thick black robes and he holds himself at his full height, towering over Wander with green lightning crackling in the palms of his raised hands. 

Wander leans up on his tiptoes and pokes a finger where Hater’s nose would be 

“Boop” He sings, before bolting down the corridor.

Hater screams in rage and runs after him shouting “GET HIM!”

Half the army follows him before Peepers can shout “Stop! What are you doing? We have an invasion plan to execute, do not run off to play tag or whatever stupid game he’s playing!”

The remainder of the army look back at him in a mixture of disappointment and sheepishness.

“Oh, yeah” Sylvia says with a snort of laughter “You’re definitely going to continue with the invasion, just like you’ve completed every other one after Wander and I showed up”

Peepers spins on his heel to face her “Oh, just go get your idio-” he pauses taking in her rumpled hair, dirt stained clothes and the piece of egg on her cheek and heat floods his face.

“You look like you just woke up” he says so softly I’m sure I’m the only one who hears him, a soft sort of wonder swells in his chest and I feel it.

“You’re a mess” he says louder

“What” Sylvia asks blankly, looking around at the other watchdogs incredulously 

“Seriously did you even brush your hair, you have egg on your face, did you just wake up or something? You're a mess!” He face firms into a scowl but I can still see the softness in his eyes and hear the words that won’t pass his lips 

“You’re beautiful, I wish I could stop the world and just fall asleep next to you.” he doesn’t say.

“Peepers I literally always dress and look like this, did you run out of insults or something?”

“Wasn't he wearing a coffee stained undershirt and sweatpants until like five minutes before the rally?” One of the watchdogs, whispers too loudly 

Sylvia spins around with a slowly growing grin, meeting the eyes of the blushing sheepish watchdog who was standing by the edge of the stage attempting to blend into the crowd while smothering his laughter.  
“Give me five, buddy, that’s hilarious” Sylvia leans over the edge of the stage, with an outstretched hand

“DO NOT GIVE HER FIVE!” Peepers screams, eye twitching “YOU ARE NOT BUDDIES!”

Sylvia and Tim, the watchdog glance at each other then back at Peepers who is shaking now, crumpling a graph in one hand. 

“DON’T, TIM, I SWEAR TO GLORN-”

Tim high fives Sylvia and they both burst into a fit of laughter

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CAPTURING HER!” Peepers slaps the palm of his hand across his face, there’s a red imprint of his hand there for a few moments after he takes it away.

“Oh, yeah” Tim says, he shrugs at Sylvia before drawing his blaster and attempting to aim it at her.

“Tim, please” Sylvia replies, knocking it out of his hand with a yawn

“I AM GOING TO-”

“C-Peeps” Sylvia interrupts, walking up to where he’s shaking with rage and casually slinging her arm over his shoulder “I get where you’re coming from, I really do and I could spend the morning beating up all these watchdogs” she gestures with a hand at the half of the army that is standing around, trying to find where Tim’s blaster had fallen. “Or I could just kick your butt and we can grab some coffee and watch Wander ruin your invasion plan”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard and I live with Hater” He mutters, shrugging her arm off his shoulder and aiming his blaster at her. 

“You think you can just bait me into a fight, do you think I honestly believe you won’t have any difficulty taking on half an army this early? Why would I reduce the odds of success so severely for some stupid dare?” 

Sylvia glances from Peepers to the crowd of watchdogs “Sounds like someone’s chicken!” she calls to the crowd 

“Ooooooh!” chorus the watchdogs

“Don’t ‘Oooh!’ just do your job for once! For once!” Peepers sputters

“Bawk, bawk!” Sylvia teases

“This is the most immature thing I’ve had the misfortune of being a part of” 

Sylvia doesn’t seem to care, she’s gotten the crowd riled up and now they’re crowding around the stage chanting  
“Fight! Fight! fight!”

She grins at Peepers “Oh no, it looks like we’ll just have to fight and get this over with.”

“I hate you” Peepers sighs

“No you don’t” she replies with a certainty that surprises me, I try to gather bandages but realize I can’t. I can only give what is needed and for some reason they won’t need them.

Peepers continues to glare at her, but it seems forced and one of the corners of his mouth twitches.  
He gets into a fighting stance.  
Sylvia stretches leisurely and picks egg from her teeth.  
He lunges at her fists raised

She sidesteps it easily with a grin “Aw come on, Peepers” 

Her grin grows “Eye know you can do better than that!”

“No!” both corners of his mouth are turned upwards now and he’s biting back a smile as he tries to kick her feet out from under her.

“We are not doing eye puns! Eye haven’t sunk that low” 

Sylvia gasps delightedly as she draws her whip and snaps it around him “Did you just-”

“No!” Peepers sputters, struggling to escape her whip “I said I as in me, myself and I!”

Sylvia raises an eyebrow “Mmhm, Iris I could believe you” with a twist of her wrist he spins from her whip and stumbles onto the ground. In an instant she is standing over him, something about the fight seems off. The combat is overly dramatic like they’re showing off or testing each other, an unspoken dare, 

 

Peepers is grinning now “Ugh, that was so-”, he slides beneath her legs and rises to his feet in front of her, kicking her feet from beneath her in one fluid motion before standing above her and firing finger guns in her direction “cornea”

She makes a wheezing noise before throwing her head back laughing like a little kid. As she pulls herself to her feet and pushes him back. 

“These are so stupid, they aren’t even funny” Peepers says, laughing at her reaction

“I know- I just one sec” she manages to get out through bouts of laughter, she slaps at him halfheartedly but she’s laughing too hard to actually put up a fight.

Peepers is looking at her with a big goofy grin, the kind of grin I’ve seen on kids faces as they played with their friends on the playground, I’ ve seen it on the faces of friends and lovers. It’s something so carefree and genuinely and purely happy it can’t be faked. The kind of smile that holds unmistakable affection 

“You’re such a nerd!” he says with a fond laugh, batting away her blows easily. 

“Y-you’re the nerd” she gasps back still breathless with laughter, she falls back into a fighting stance but her vibrant pink hair falls in her eyes. 

A grin spreads across her face.

“No!” Peepers pleads

“Looks like Eye can’t see” 

“You’re the wooorrsst!” he groans but he’s laughing. 

I realize they aren’t even keeping up the pretense of a fight now, they’re just standing there making bad puns and laughing with each other childishly close, as if they’re old friends. They seem to have forgotten the watchdogs surrounding them. Sylvia seems to have forgotten the fact that Hater and half of an army are chasing Wander around the ship and Peepers hasn't glanced at his graphs since he first heard her voice. 

Peepers steps even closer and blows a stream of air in her face, messing up her bangs.

Oh yeah, this was what I'd missed from my soaps, here it comes!

Sylvia laughs and settles her hands on his shoulders.

Yes!

She leans in.

Yes!

And pushes herself over his shoulders neatly turning a back flip and landing behind him before she throws a punch that brings him to his knees.

No! I am eons old and infinitely wise, I always know exactly what everyone needs to lead the best life they can and they should be together! What is it going to take to get it through their thick skulls! Okay so maybe I'm not infinitely wise and I did think they were going to beat each other to a bloody pulp not that long ago...but that’s irrelevant.

The watchdogs cheer but I’m not listening, maybe they just need a push, I slide a bouquet across the floor towards Peepers, it’s a beautiful arrangement of cherry blossoms, wild daisies, sprays of delicate white flowers and those weeds that bloom and glow in brilliant displays at night. Sylvia used to water them instead of pulling out when her mom made her work in her garden.  
Peepers glances at it then turns back to the cheering crowd with a glare “Really?! You're gonna throw her flowers now? Really?!”  
Sylvia hasn't noticed them she’s too busy smiling at Wander who runs through followed by Hater and an army of laughing watchdogs who get distracted bopping each other on the nose.  
Peepers looks from her to the bouquet and smiles, an oddly mischievous smile. He scoops it up and pulls himself to his feet. 

“Hey Zbornak!”

Sylvia turns towards him and he launches himself at her brandishing the bouquet like a sword, thrusting the flowers in her face as an attack.

“What the heck!” She sputters, stepping back and brushing petals out of her face “Did you just slap me with flowers? Where'd you even get flowers?”

“From your adoring fans” Peepers growls, tilting his head towards the crowd.

“Oh my glorn, seriously?” She laughs and sidesteps Peepers’ attacks to bow deeply and blow a kiss at the audience 

“Stop that!” He scrambles up her back and throws his legs around her shoulders like some bizarre version of a piggyback ride as he hits her over the head with the bouquet. Each of his words are punctuated with a smack to the head  
“We”  
Thwap!  
“Have”  
Thwap!  
“An invasion”  
Thwap!  
“To finish”  
Thwap!  
“You idiots!”  
Sylvia glances from the cheering crowd to where Peepers is perched on her shoulders with baffled amusement. She takes out her phone and turns so the cheering crowd and Peepers, who is still beating her on the head with the bouquet, are in the frame of her camera before throwing up a peace sign and snapping a picture. Wander winks at the camera as he runs by still being chased by Hater and his army.  
Wander! Sylvia has spent years with Wander she had to have gotten some emotional maturity and understanding of her feelings from that! Maybe I just need to give her the bouquet. I slide another bouquet across the floor so it'll land at Sylvia's feet. She grins and sweeps it up, flipping Peepers over her head so he falls on his face with a dull thud. He pulls himself to his feet only to be met with a face full of flowers.  
“En garde!” She challenges, raising an eyebrow archly  
Peepers beams, completely abandoning the pretense of hatred. He bows deeply like a knight and I watch as they dance around each other bouquets clashing. Peepers is laughing amidst a spray of flower petals, cherry blossom petals raining down on him, getting caught in the curls of his hair and Sylvia is staring frozen.  
I'm a powerful empath and throughout the millenniums I've felt others’ overpowering emotions. From those mourning the death of their planet and all they knew to those watching the birth of a solar system. I've known Sylvia as long as Wander has, I was there when they first met and every moment after. I've felt her wonder, her fear, her fierce love for her friend. Every emotion she has is intense and vivid, everything she does she does with a passion. But now as she stares at Peepers laughing like a little kid, freer and happier than she'd ever seen him. She’s feeling a pulse of something heart stoppingly soft, the nostalgic, comforting feeling of coming home.  
I can see the world melt away for her I can feel the way she felt when she was a little girl. She’d laid in a field of those beautiful wild weeds in her dad’s arms. I can hear the hushed reverent tone he used when he told her  
“Wait, watch. You can find the most beautiful things in the galaxy if you take the time to look.”  
I can feel that memory bright and beautiful as she'd seen those weeds bloom and release brilliant light, shimmering and dancing through the night sky above the tall grass. That feeling, that shining moment of comfort and adventure of her home and the endless galaxy colliding her world becoming wider overwhelms me as she stares at him.

“Oh” She whispers and for the first time in a long, long time I'm speechless.

She snaps a picture with her phone and her trembling fingers. She captures him there laughing looking up at her under his eyelashes with that big brown eye shining, in this moment he is sunlight. She clutches her phone as if it holds something precious. 

“Oh, what? Did you just take my picture?” Peepers asks, looking confused.

“O-oh as in oh my grop, you look so stupid right now only my amazing photography skills could save you” 

Really? Really, Sylvia that's what you're going with? I wait for Peepers to tell her that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard and try to beat the truth out of her. To my horror he only looks indignant 

“Excuse you, in the one who takes the picture for the Christmas card every year it takes a really good photographer to capture an entire army posing as a kingdom explodes in the background!”

“Psh, I've taken pictures of every wonder in the galaxy Wander and I have seen, besides when’s the last time you guys actually managed to blow up a kingdom?”

“Shut up!” He yells, snatching her phone from her hand.

“There you are, I missed you!” Wander says as he scoops me up and settles me on his head, I want to scream, can't he see I’m trying to make his best friend realize she has a crush on the commander of this warlord’s army!  
Oh, glorn... I'm as bad as him aren't I? What's next trying to set up Hater? But really we've been messing with Lord Hater for a month now and they genuinely like each other. They’d formed a tentative alliance the fourth time they'd met, I'd seen them eating ice cream and talking as Wander had taught Bill to tap dance. Yeah, they were still cruel to each other and Sylvia wasn't one to pull punches but with the way that Peepers looks at her and the way Sylvia felt just now I know there's gotta be something there.  
Wander looks from me to where Sylvia and Peepers are fighting over Sylvia's phone, the bouquets I’d thrown them abandoned on the stage floor. I can see the realization in his eyes as it dawns on him what I was trying to do. He smiles brightly, “That's brilliant, Hat” he whispers. No matter how many times he addresses me it always catches me off guard I've been a hat for so long I'd gotten used to being treated like an inanimate object.

“WANDER!” Hater roars, tripping over watchdogs as he attempts to grab Wander by the back of his sweater. 

Wander shoots him a grin “that's our cue” he whispers before bolting, the world blurs as Wander runs. Faces of watchdogs, blasters, flashes of green lightning and room after room of the skull ship blurs around us.  
I'm suddenly thankful I don't have a physical form capable of throwing up. I do wish I could groan and tell him to take me back to Sylvia and Peepers though. He slows down and the world stabilizes. We’re back in the auditorium, the other half of the army is chatting happily amongst themselves and Sylvia’s tripping Peepers and taking pictures every time he falls on his face. Now he’s yelling about how photography doesn't work like this as she holds the phone teasingly out of reach.  
I ponder what to give them but Hater chases us around the hall again before I have the chance to give them anything. This time as the world blurs and lightning crashes around us I focus on what I should give them. Maybe flowers were too subtle, I can make it more obvious. Wander runs back through the auditorium and pauses on the stage. Peepers is hanging from one of Sylvia's arms as she flexes and they're taking pictures. Wander and I watch as they laugh and pose, Sylvia holding bunny ears behind Peepers head as they grin, big cheesy grins at the camera. They make faces and Wander almost drops me when Sylvia scoops up Peepers in a bridal carry and he pretends to swoon in her arms like the heroine from some ancient romance novel. Wander gapes and the watchdogs are staring now, but Sylvia just laughs hysterically as Peepers struggles to keep a straight face.  
“If this one turns out it's because of my beauty not your photography skills.”  
Peepers says with an air of utter confidence. Sylvia laughs so hard she snorts and Peepers grins brightly at the sound of her laugh.  
I offer Wander a heart shaped box of chocolates and he grins before pulling it from me and dropping it at their feet, they have to get it this time! I mean just look at them!  
“W-wander” Hater pants “I'm going to destroy you!”

Wander smiles sweetly “Do you want to take a break and get some water?”

“Evil never rests!” Hater thunders but all the watchdogs but Peepers are already running, with the force of a stampede he is swept towards the cafeteria. Wander happily joins them chatting with the watchdogs and planning a brunch as I'm swept away I watch Sylvia and Peepers.  
Peepers is straddling Sylvia who's he's managed to pin to the ground and he's trying to rub caramel from a chocolate into her hair, she rolls away laughter and graphic threats on her lips. She gets to her feet as he runs and she scoops up a handful of chocolates to chucks at him leaving fruity filling and cream stains against the stage like bullet holes.  
I want to scream. He had been straddling her! She held him in her arms just seconds ago! They were laughing and teasing each other. He looked at her like she was his galaxy and she looked at him like he was her sunshine, how was I supposed to let them act like this was nothing! Forget being subtle and safe they were going to realize what they had even if the whole ship realized I wasn't just a hat.  
Wander, Hater and the entire stampede stop and stare as I spit out a long elegant mahogany table, seated with comfortable chairs and laden with a light pink tablecloth and warm, cheesy eggs mixed with chives and salted, stacks of thick fluffy pancake, filled with half melted chocolate chips and topped with golden syrup, melting butter and freshly cooked bacon. Along with a basket full of beautiful and sweet fruit from all across the galaxy. Tall glasses of fresh orange juice a vase of bright, colorful flowers and salt and pepper shakers sit by Peepers and Sylvia's plates. Their seats arranged closer than they should be and two place cards with their names written in calligraphy rest in front of their plates. Origami roses with quotes from the galaxy’s most romantic poets wrapping around their stems are tastefully arranged around their plates and candles line the table.  
There! It looks like a flarping wedding reception there’s no way they can miss this! Wander’s smile grows and he bounces with excitement. Hater is speechless for once and his army is whispering and placing bets among themselves, but I'm watching Peepers and Sylvia. Sylvia spins to see what everyone’s staring at, her hair is wild, caramel streaks her cheek and her eyes are wide and shining with laughter, her smile slowly fades as she takes in the table with her name and Peepers sitting side by side dotted with hearts and the origami roses.  
“Uh, buddy?” She turns to Wander with a dumbfounded look  
Commander Peepers pauses in the perfect throwing pose his arm raised in an arc, his leg extended and his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth and a handful of chocolates in his hand. I watch as his eye widens and he takes in the romantic breakfast. His cheeks flush ruby red and he starts to babble his voice getting higher with each word.  
“We- I- what? Breakfast?! This is ridiculous! How did the hat even-”  
Sylvia’s shoulders lose their tension and her face relaxes into a smile as she watches him. She laughs loud, bright and happy.  
She looks at Wander who is still grinning and bouncing on the balls of his feet, she looks at the watchdogs who are still whispering and Hater who is starting to drool as he stares at the food. She rolls her eyes and smiles

“Let's have brunch” she says.

The watchdogs are already running to get chairs and plates and Wander is dishing out food sprinkling salt and spices on some dishes while taking into account preferences and allergies and making conversation, fondly ruffling this watchdogs hair and wiping that one’s face, gently chiding them as they squabble. I offer chairs, cutlery, napkins spices whatever's needed and try not to sulk as this beautiful breakfast date turns messy, chaotic and public.  
Wander is grinning from ear to ear and it strikes me as odd, how like a family they all look. Wander talks to every watchdog, they were taught to hate him and fear Sylvia but here they are passing the salt and making jokes. Sylvia and a group of watchdogs recalling near death experiences and the pain they inflicted on each other like fond memories, a few hang from her arms like children as she flexes and laughs. Of course Hater’s still muttering death threats but he stops to moan as he eats a mouthful of pancakes.  
Peepers is the only one who seems annoyed with this, he’s irritably cleaning up spilled orange juice and scolding the members of his army that are chatting with Wander. He hasn't even sat down. He's moving with a frantic desperate sort of energy as if he can stop them from sinking so low as to halting an entire invasion to play tag and eat pancakes with their enemies.  
He casts a mournful look from his graph to where Lord Hater is buttering a stack of pancakes, too absorbed to even threaten Wander now.

“Hey” Sylvia says warmly, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Just sit down and have a cup of coffee, the planet’s not going anywhere” 

“I can't believe this, how are you doing this” he asks with an almost trembling voice “it's not even been a month since we've met you-”

“Its close” Sylvia rubs her head where her mohawk is growing out and Peepers stops mid-panic and follows the motion of her hand with his eye. 

“you've managed to stop countless invasions” he mutters eye still on her hair on her sleep rumpled clothes 

She smiles, genuine and sweet “We’ve spent a lot of time together, huh, C-peeps?”

“-you thwart every plan to-to eat flarping pancakes!”

 

“They look good” She gestures to the chair, he shakes his head violently and tears his gaze from her

“Worst of all we're-we’re actually friends I actually trust you and like hanging out with you! What the flarp, Sylvia? What-”

She hefts him onto her shoulder easily and drops him back to his seat before handing him a cup of coffee. He stares at her wide eyed, she sighs and gives him a weary smile.

“Peepers, you've made us fugitives, I've been shot at, beaten senseless, shackled. I know the inside of your prison block intimately. I've gotten bruises, burns, black eyes, and I've strained every muscle I have. I swear I can't count the number of times Wander’s almost gotten himself killed! We had this day where absolutely everything we did made everything worse and I had to try and blend in, in flarping Doom Stone. Can we just chalk it up to a stalemate and have brunch before we have to deal with whatever our idiots do next?”

He sighs and deflates in his chair with relief, looking more relaxed than I've seen  
him, he smiles softly “Okay. We're not irreparably off schedule yet so I guess I can have a cup of coffee just this once.”

“Okay” Sylvia smirks “  
”

He jumps at the emphasis on the word and chokes on his coffee. “I didn't mean- I mean we're not really-it's more of a temporary alliance -”  
He's met with Sylvia’s amused gaze, as she serenely sips her coffee and watches him trip over himself trying to take it back.

“Our empire’s merciless and I'm not going to pull punches or let you go, just because we’re friends!” 

He sits up straighter and crosses his arms but I can feel the way his heart rose when she called him “buddy” even in that teasing tone. I can feel his hope and happiness at the thought that she likes him at all. The corner of her mouth twitches upward as she pushes an origami rose out of the way and pours her coffee. 

“Mm hm, you say you can conquer the galaxy but you can't even take a decent photo” 

She leans over and spears a bite of his pancakes with her fork, he gives her a look of utter betrayal and she laughs and winks.  
He makes a high pitched squawking noise and snatches a piece of bacon from her plate, chewing on it angrily. Sylvia laughs and stabs another bite of his pancakes and he gasps and snatches her cup of coffee and takes a deep drink.

He spits it out, almost immediately  
“Ugh, you drink coffee black?” he asks with disgust 

She takes his cup as he gags and takes a long slow sip, she pulls back and sugar and creamer coat her teasing smile

“What'd you do, pour a whole bag of sugar in this?” 

“Actually, I've seen him do that.” A watchdog to her right says as he reaches for the butter.

Sylvia throws her head back and laughs and I'm struck by the realization that I don't think I've ever seen her laugh more often than she does when she's with Peepers.  
“Shut up!” Peepers hisses, but the venom is missing from his voice and his eyes are warm as they linger on her face.

“Seriously?” She asks, a grin still pulling on the corners of her mouth 

“Oh yeah, actually one time we made this bet-”

“Shut up!” Peepers says more frantically, but it's too late Sylvia’s already being shown a picture of Peepers wearing Lord Hater footie pajamas holding coffee cup that says World’s best Dad, Dad is crossed out and commander is written in sharpie. The cup is overflowing with nothing but sugar.

“He didn't even notice” 

Sylvia covers her mouth with her hand, “That's kind of adorable” she mutters, before covering it with a laugh.

“Can you send that to me?” She asks 

“Sure” the watchdog says easily “I'm Steve, by the way. We met that one time you knocked me over with your whip and I shot you in the shoulder”

“Oh yeah, I remember! Nice to actually meet ya, Steve” 

“DON’T INTRODUCE YOURSELF! DON’T GIVE HER YOUR NUMBER! SHE IS THE ENEMY!” Peepers shrieks, standing on his chair and pointing a finger threateningly at Steve 

Steve salutes, but just lowers his phone under the table and adds Sylvia’s number from there. Peepers lets his head fall into his plate. A strawberry rests on his eyelid, a chocolate chip sits on the tip of his nose and a curl of whipped cream stretches across his face like a smile.  
Sylvia beams and puts a hand under his chin, lifting his head and smiling at him. He scowls and throws the strawberry over his shoulder. Behind him Captain Tim jumps up and snaps it from the air.

“You have whipped cream in your hair” Sylvia tells him

He groans and she laughs and snaps a picture, opening a contact and assigning that as the picture she titles it Peepers with an eye emoji. 

“Send me those pictures you took” she orders

“You-you want my number?” Peepers stutters eye wide and mouth slightly agape his cheeks burning. There is whipped cream on the crown of his messy black hair, the chocolate chip still stays stubbornly on the tip of his nose and there’s a streak of whipped cream on his bottom lip, he couldn't quite wipe away.

“Why not, Wander has all the watchdogs’ numbers and it'll make babysitting duty easier” she reaches out and runs the rough pad of her thumb over his bottom lip wiping away the whipped cream. Peepers goes startle still.  
Sylvia sticks her thumb in her mouth and slowly sucks it clean. Peepers breath comes a little too fast, his pulse races and his eyes are on her lips. She pulls it out of her mouth with an audible pop, Peepers suppresses a scream.

“If you want anything you can call me then, yeah?” Sylvia says casually, she hasn't realized that she's taken his ability to think or speak coherently and passes him her phone.

Steve smirks and elbows Jim, who's sitting next to him “Pay up”

“It's not official” Jim mutters grumpily “he's never going to ask her out”

“We’ll see” Steve sends Sylvia the picture of Peepers in his pajamas and smiles.

Peepers is entering his number in Sylvia’s phone with trembling fingers and ranting about professionalism and throwing in as many insults as he can. Sylvia just watches and takes another sip of his coffee.

Glorn, kids these days with their goofy vigilante justice and quests for galactic supremacy! I spit out a book titled Romance for dummies, but Wander catches it and shakes his head and pats me consolingly. 

“They'll figure it out” he whispers  
No they won't, they're emotionally stunted idiots, but I suppose I’ve done enough matchmaking for today. 

 

Hater’s finished his pancakes now and has returned to the murderous rampage and Wander’s racing across the halls faster than before with a hint of anxiety in the edges of his smile. The ship blurs around me, along with the faces and blasters of the army, closer than before a blast singes my cotton, the table has been overturned but Sylvia and Peepers are still teasing each other and laughing.

“Hey, Syl? We've still gotta make dinner and find a place to set up camp maybe we should-” Wander calls nervously as green lighting cracks at his feet and arcs just over his head. 

Even with his incredible speed, he can't outrun the cage of lightning he's slowly being trapped in. Sylvia doesn't notice.  
We normally don't stay after we thwart a plan, we just come, cause enough chaos and distract Hater long enough to ruin whatever they've planned before Sylvia bursts in, knocks some heads and we waltz off into space singing “Later Hater!”  
I'm not sure how long we can keep up the game without Sylvia’s protection, Wander can survive and escape like he'd done with Major Threat in the galaxy over but it'd always been excruciatingly painful before I don't think I can take hearing the sickening crunch of bones or seeing that tremulous, pained smile on Wander’s face again. He needs Sylvia, just like he needs me.  
“PEEEEEEPPPPPEEERRRS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HELP ME DESTROY WANDER WHO CARES WHO’S BETTER YOU BOTH SUCK COME ONNNNN” Hater thunders.  
Peepers leaps to attention and draws his blaster on Sylvia, yelling commands at the army. Sylvia's eyes widen as she takes in the nervous edge to Wander’s smile and the increasing proximity of the lightning around him. She looks horrified that she hadn't noticed and cold cocks Peepers leaving him gasping for breath before she barrels her way through the army fist first and sweeps Wander up into her arms and onto her shoulders.  
She bolts for an exit as I offer Orble juice and Wander sweeps it from me, forming a bubble around us and shooting Hater, the army and Peepers a bright smile, I can feel his heart racing and the pulse of fear that shoots through him but his smile stays kind and friendly.  
“Later, Hater” they sing, before turning and running off into the stars.  
Sylvia's hands tighten around Wander’s legs that are thrown over her shoulders steadying, protective. She frowns at the lump in his sock and peels it down to see the bandage. Her frown deepens and her grip tightens.  
“I'm sorry, buddy” she sighs  
“Why, Syl? There's nothing’ to be sorry for”  
“Right” she says, but I see her mouth stretch into a hard, thin line.  
Wander carries the conversation as she carries him, chatting about each of the watchdogs and their hopes, dreams and how they take their eggs.  
“Steve takes his over easy” Sylvia throws in, distractedly  
Wander beams at her and gushes about Steve and how he’s thinking of dying his hair pink.  
Eventually the tension leaves Sylvia's shoulders and she's smiling again in the way only Wander can make her smile.  
“You pick where we sleep tonight!” Wander says putting his hands over her eyes. She laughs and spins in a circle in the orble bubble, pointing blindly.  
Her finger lands in the direction of a vibrant blue planet in the center of a nebula. Wander beams and strums his ukulele singing about the color blue. The melody mixes with Sylvia's laughter. I love you, I think, I'll protect you. I watch my family run towards a new adventure and my brim curls into a smile.


	4. The Changing Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it takes me so long to update, I'm going to try and get into a regular schedule thank you all for being patient I hope you enjoy the new chapter

Sylvia wakes with a gasp her head jerking upwards and her eyes opening. She stares up at the stars blanketed above this lush tropical planet. A comet streaks past and she remembers how her Dad would always tell her to make a wish. There's the soft crackle of the dying fire she’d built when they set up camp and the steady comforting sound of Wander’s heartbeat. He's curled up next to her in his hat snoring softly perfectly safe. Everything should be right in the world. This should be serene, but she's gasping and wide eyed.  
She never has nightmares about the near death experiences anymore and as long as Wander is curled up next to her breathing softly she doesn't have nightmares about him. If it wasn't Wander or her dying what was it? She stares at the stars until her heartbeat begins to slow and the fragments of her dream begin to coalesce into memories.  
It comes in pieces, disconnected sounds, a snatch of a melody in a minor key. (Commander Peepers~) An insult so familiar it feels like an endearment. (Stupid Zbornax) The way a reply forms on her tongue instantly. (Optic Nerd) Then smells, the scent of fresh brewed coffee and sharpened pencils, rocket fuel and sweat. Then images, a dark eye with flecks of gold in the iris. Fluttering eyelashes, a bright blush against brown skin.  
Suddenly it snaps together vividly. Peepers staring up at her, tangled in her whip held up by her grip. “Let me go stupid Zbornax!” turns to “Sy-Syl-Sylvia” as she cups his cheek with her hand and traces slow teasing patterns on his bottom lip with her thumb. His eye widens and his eyelashes flutter as she presses her lips to his. 

“What the flarp” Sylvia says so loudly Wander shifts in his sleep. 

“Shh, sorry go to sleep, buddy” she whispers.

He rolls over a smile tugs on the edges of his mouth even in sleep and she sighs in relief she’d rather panic about this alone, Wander’s wonderful but also one time she mentioned that the girl who took their order at Bloyd’s was cute and he planned their wedding.  
Like he didn't just plan it, she got a refill on her drink and when she came back to their booth he had built an altar and was rapidly sewing a wedding dress while chatting a mile a minute with the cashier. She hasn’t told Wander about any of her crushes since. Even if her buddy wasn’t so...enthusiastic, there was no reason to tell him It was just a weird dream, a really weird dream.

“I don't even like him as a person let alone like that!” she mutters to herself, looking up at the sky in exasperation “Why would I? What possible reason would I have to be attracted to a insecure, codependent, power hungry, dork who’s dead set on killing my best friend and taking over the galaxy” 

She rolls her eyes “I guess he’s kind of funny but really” she shakes her head and lays down next to Wander but the second her eyes close Peepers is looking up at her shy and sweet beneath the dark fringe of his eyelashes.  
Stop, she commands her mind  
It offers her the sound of his laughter when she catches him off guard with a joke.  
I said stop!  
She tries to focus on the taste of jellyfish pie, simple sweet. Whipped cream on the tip of his nose, and tangled in his hair as he looks up at her from brunch. Strawberry ice cream at the corner of his lips.  
Think of something else, the satisfying crack of someone's nose beneath her knuckles. The soft curve of his smile and the triumphant light in his eye when he dodges her fist. She lets her head fall onto the ground with a dull thud. It’s been two weeks since he admitted they were friends. Two weeks since he'd stopped her heart, flower petals in his hair, laughter shining in his beautiful eye.  
“Okay so he’s funny and kinda sweet. So I like the way his mind works and maybe I’m impressed by his evil schemes. So what?”  
She bites her lip and tells herself it’s nothing. She tells herself she's not going to go through the pictures he's sent her or his old texts. But the light of her phone screen is already illuminating her face as she laughs at a picture Peepers sent. They text regularly, sometimes he’ll just send pictures of Hater throwing a tantrum in the background while Peepers gives the camera a exasperated stare. She's memorized that expression by now, a smile tugs on the corner of her mouth without her permission. She feels a little warmer, the galaxy seems a little softer looking at his dorky smile.  
“Flarp.”  
She turns her phone off and runs her hands through her hair in exasperation. This is bad, this is really bad. She didn't even really think about him until...the memory overtakes her mind. Peepers looking up at her flower petals raining down on him as he laughs wide eyed and heart meltingly beautiful. How long has she had a crush on him? How did she not notice and flarp, why him?  
She's not even sure she believes Wander that they can be reformed! She really doesn't see Hater using his lightning to power a village or Peepers organizing a evacuation or fighting off invading armies. It's been a month since she met the guy and he's still as ready to kill her as he was when they first met. He constantly reminds her that he's going to kill them both in a slow and painful way nd she's pretty sure the only reason he talks to her is he needs someone to vent to. She can't have a crush not on him! She hasn't had a crush in years. Why now? Why him?  
She's had crushes before, of course and she's flirted with people when she and Wander are short on cash and need a place to stay or when they're on a desert planet and need something to eat. She dated a lot in high school but that was before she ran away from home. That was before she became a thief then a cold unfeeling bounty hunter. The only person she'd been with since then was Ryder and he was more of a partner in crime than a boyfriend. Since she met Wander, he was all she needed. They became family. They take care of each other just as much as they take care of the galaxy. Is she really going to risk that? This family only has room for one reckless emotion driven idiot and that position is taken.  
She groans this whole game with Hater and Peepers is crazy, sure, but it has rules. A pattern, Wander comes up with some plan to distract Hater and ruins their plans as she pounds his right hand man into the ground and protects Wander from the army and his own recklessness. That should be it, it's hard sure but it's not that complicated. But she can't resist teasing him, she can't resist pushing him until he's sputtering and blushing.  
She loves how he falls for it every time, how he gets caught up in her teasing and games until he's lost every semblance of professionalism and superiority. When he's not trying to be more evil or powerful he’s so much fun! Smugly taking a picture as he slaps manacles on her wrist. Demanding to arm wrestle her, teasing her and her trying to bait her just so he can prove he can win. Pouting as he sticks a tiny decorative umbrella into his helmet, leveling a bouquet at her like a sword with a rakish grin. Glorn she loves that, she loves it when he's unashamedly him. She shouldn't love that. She shouldn’t like him. She rises quietly so she won't wake Wander and decides to get some more firewood.  
Wander wakes with the sun and instantly knows something is wrong, Sylvia isn't curled around him. She's never awake before him. No one is awake before him. He hears the crack of wood and a grunt of effort and follows the sound. Sylvia is hanging from a dead branch on a very tall tree with all her weight. She grins as she crashes to the ground and lands on her feet. She picks up the branch and looks at it. It's taller and thicker around than her. 

“No.” she tells it.

The branch remains nothing but a branch, Sylvia scowls at it before punching it into log sized chunks. 

“No, no no.” She punctuates each no with another punch splinters fill the air “I'm not doing this, I'm not feeling this, I'm Sylvia the mother flarping Zbornak. I'm the sane one, the sensible one I don't get crushes and I sure as flarp don't get crushes on-” she sighs and kicks at the logs she's created. 

Wander struggles to pick up one of the logs.

“Wander!” she jumps back when she notices him and she rushes to help him.

“Hey there, buddy. I was just- I was just uh, getting some firewood I noticed the fire was dying so-”

She gives him a tired smile and his chest aches. Aw, Syl he thinks sadly, of course she'd blame herself for getting a crush of course she'd worry that she was putting them in more danger.  
He takes her hand and guides her back to the fire. She follows him easily, it still surprises him how much she trusts him. She's said she’ll follow him to hell and back and he believes her. She settles next to the fire with him and he throws an arm around her shoulder. He knows he's not as strong as her but he hopes she feels safe.  
She lets her head loll against his shoulder and rest against his hat like a pillow. The cotton is soft and comforting in its familiarity. He runs his hands through her hair gently. It's grown longer now, he’ll have to shave it again for her soon. The firelight flickers over her face, he wishes he could ease the worry from her eyes. He leans up to drop a kiss on her forehead and she smiles softly, she doesn't tell him what's wrong and her brows are still furrowed in worry. That's okay he knows she doesn't like to talk about her feelings, he can wait.  
They sit there, listening to the sound of each other's steady heartbeats and the fire’s crackle until her breathing evens out and the first rays of the sun, spill over the horizon. 

“Thanks, buddy” she murmurs 

He smiles and twirls the ends of her hair around his finger “Always, Syl.” 

She hums appreciatively

“Rough night?” He asks 

She turns her bloodshot eyes on him and smiles wryly “I slept like a baby”

He laughs “Well I was going to make you coffee but in that case-” 

“A very irresponsible baby who's forgotten what sleep feels like and needs caffeine”

Wander grins at her 

“There's totally babies like that and this is a very common expression on the caffeine baby planet”

“Hmm” he says brightly as he's rummaging through the hat for coffee beans “I don't think I've heard of it, what's it's name?”

She glares at him playfully and his smile grows. 

“It's called” she scoops him up in a chokehold, knocks his hat off and noogies him 

“Uncle-uncle!” He calls laughing and breathless

“See you knew what it was called all along!” 

Their laughter is interrupted by a small pink book being spat out of the hat and hitting Sylvia in the forehead. 

“Hey!” She scowls at the hat “I'm going to have a bruise there I just know it” she grumbles as she picks up the book. 

It's the same book the hat has been spitting at her for the past two weeks particularly when they're in imminent danger and she needs actual help. It's titled “Romance for dummies”

Wander laughs harder.

“Why?” She glares at the hat “I don't judge you for being single and you never pick on Wander!”

“Syl” Wander says gently, laughter at the edges of his voice “they're a hat, you can't really judge them for being single.”

She elbows him “Tell your hat to be nice”

He shrugs “They are nice, just not uh, patient…” he slips beneath her arm 

“Patient? For what?” She rolls her eyes 

Wander shrugs with a smile and pulls a bundle of beans from his hat. She watches as he moves inhumanly fast, she doesn’t catch all the steps in how he’s making the coffee but she does see him grind the beans into a fine powder and boils water over the fire. She’s pretty sure he was a barista at some point, because she's seen him form elaborate art out of foam as he makes lattes straight from beans. But then again there's not a lot he isn't amazing at. She watches the water boil and thinks of Peepers in his Lord Hater footie pajamas, sleepily drinking a cup of just sugar and covers her face with a groan. 

Wander smiles mischievously “Whatcha thinkin’ bout, Syl?”

“Coffee” she mutters 

His smile widens but she can't see it from behind her fingers 

“Did I ever tell you about the time I met actual star crossed lovers?” 

She groans and buries her face deeper in her hands “Wander.” 

“They met when they were children but they lived on separate stars that only aligned every ten years just long enough to form a lifelong friendship-”

“Wander!” she looks up at him in annoyance. He knows, of course he knows. He probably knew before she did and now she’s going to have to endure weeks of ‘subtle’ hints in the form of book shaped bruises and possibly an impromptu wedding. Oh glorn, she’s got to end that before it starts. She got maybe an hour of denial but now if she doesn’t acknowledge it, he will loudly and publicly. 

Wander is still waxing poetic about love, but now he’s beginning to sing as he makes her coffee

“Wander!” she yells

“Yeah?” he stops singing to give her a smile

“I'm not going to ask Peepers out so stop playing matchmaker.” 

Wander almost drops her cup of coffee “What? I didn't say anything about-”

“Buddy, you're amazing at a lot of things but subtlety isn't one of them”

Wander’s lips purse into a pout and he waves his arms as if he can wave her words away “But you like him!”

“Yeah I do”

Wander gasps, “You do?”

Sylvia shrugs and looks away heat rising in her cheeks, it’s not like he didn’t already know.  
“Yeah-”

Wander squeals and bounces on his toes “Ooh! You guys are going to be so cute together! Can I be your best man? You guys will have the cutest kids!” He gasps “I'm going to be an uncle!”

Sylvia grabs him by his hat and shakes her head “We’re not going to be together, buddy! It's just not realistic.”

“Realistic! When has realistic ever mattered?” 

“He's the commander of an evil empire that we’re constantly fighting! He only has one friend he doesn't need to start going out with someone he needs more friends and stability-”

Wander stares at her blankly, holding her cup of coffee tighter as if he’s covering it's nonexistent ears, he frowns at her. The hat chucks a book at her titled “the idiot’s guide to denial”, she rubs her forehead with a groan. 

“Listen I'm just saying even if he liked me like that a romantic relationship really won't help-”

She dodges another book and groans louder “Look would you date Hater?” 

Wander crosses his arms “That's not fair, Syl! You know I would but-” he kicks at the ash around the fire.  
Sylvia sighs she guesses it isn't fair considering Wander isn't romantic. He likes to flirt playfully with the villains they fight, he's very generous with kisses and all kinds of affection, but he just isn’t romantic. It makes sense to her that someone with such a deep and unconditional love for everyone and everything around him isn’t interested in romantic love. 

“You know I didn't mean it like that, buddy! I just, I mean do you think if Hater started dating someone he'd magically become a better and happier person? It doesn't work like that!”

“I’m not saying he’d magically become a better or healthier person” Wander throws the cup into the air and pulls chocolate syrup, white chocolate out of the hat. He organizes them by the fire before the cup falls, he catches it without spilling a drop.

“I’m saying if Hater started dating someone he’d be interested in someone other than himself he would have broken through some of that narcissism and developed some empathy. He would even value someone else above himself!” 

Wander turns towards her “And you know Commander Peepers only had eyes- err eye for Hater before he met you. Nothing I did actually affected him, he just wanted to ignore me and this whole thing. None of his rivals, like Awesome or anyone else could get anything but mild annoyance from him. He’s alienated his whole race and he genuinely seemed to only care about Hater.”

Sylvia shrugs remembering how he used a laser pointer to distract Wander, how he treated him like an actual pest, something barely worth calling an exterminator over. He only ever got annoyed with Hater and the watchdogs for being childish and goofy or distracted he never really got mad at Wander specifically just that he existed in general.  
That seemed to change the more he hung out with her and started to realize that she’d follow Wander to hell and back. It isn't that he respects Wander now he just acknowledges that she can't see the appeal of Hater and he can't see how amazing Wander is but that doesn't mean that they aren't important.  
He's still cruel and he absolutely hates the watchdogs, but she guesses Wander is right his whole galaxy used to revolve around Hater he had this almost single minded obsession with him. 

“What does that have to do with-”

Wander interrupts her leaning forward with a grin and grabbing her shoulders as he bounces on the balls of his feet a little 

“Don't you see, Syl? You gave him an intellectual challenge, you made him respect you even if just as a threat. You forced him to see you as an equal and then you made him empathize with you! You built that rivalry into a friendship. He likes you and has fun with you! Actual fun, I saw you guys laughing over dumb puns and I see how happy he is just fighting you and even when you insult him! His whole face lights up when you walk into the room!” 

Sylvia throws her arms up in exasperation “Wander that's absolutely crazy. He still tries to capture us and has no problem with us both being vaporized or dipped in lava or whatever the threat is this week! You're the one who tries to see the good in the bad I don't exactly have the patience. He doesn't like me he just needs someone to vent to, a rock with a face painted on it would do as much good!”

Wander shakes his head violently “Syl! That's not true!” 

She looks away uncomfortably “Let’s just forget it, Wander. I don't really do relationships.”

“I just want you to be happy.” He says in a softer tone, closing his hands over hers. His eyes are warm with concern and she feels her annoyance and incredulity fade. 

She shakes her head “I am happy and I guess if Hater becomes good” she rolls her eyes at the thought “I'll ask him out but I'm not going to just- what ask him out between punches? Tell him he's cute as I give him a black eye? Come on I beat him up on a regular basis” 

Wander waggles his eyebrows “Maybe he likes that.” 

“Wander!” Sylvia covers her face with her hands as Wander laughs

“It'd be a meet cute!” 

“Meet cute? Wander, what exactly is your definition of cute?” 

Wander rummages through his hat and pulls out Sylvia’s phone.

“Hey! How did you even-”

“This!” He unlocks her phone easily and pulls up a picture. On the screen Sylvia laughs, her eyes shining and her nose crinkling in amusement she has Peepers in a headlock but he's grinning up at her as if there’s nowhere he’d rather be.

Sylvia feels heat flood her face as she snatches her phone away. 

“Wander come on, he can't handle this.” 

She gestures at herself. She's violent, wild and reckless. She's a ticking time bomb no one can handle that, no one’s crazy enough to even want to be around someone like her. Well no one but Wander. If she just keeps her distance and doesn't let anyone get too close she can keep playing hero and no one but Wander will know how dangerous she really is. 

Wander shakes his head “You could at least try.”

“Or I can just stick to beating him up I'm good at that” she rolls her eyes and strokes the fire “come on, forget it let's just make breakfast.”

Wander rolls his eyes and gives the hat an exasperated look Sylvia ignores them both and swipes away the picture of her and Peepers she can't bring herself to delete it but that doesn't mean anything. Crushes fade if you wait them out, they have to.  
She looks at her coffee and sees Wander has drawn Peepers in the foam with chocolate his pupil is replaced with a heart. She groans and takes a deep scalding drink until the image is gone it burns but it's better than staring at that.  
Wander watches her with a wince as he’s making juice out of a clump of star shaped fruit.

“Syl-”

“Yeah?” She says with forced cheer, giving him a big fake smile 

“Let's have a late breakfast, can you get us some fish? Today's a good day for fishing and I'm working on a new song”

Sylvia’s face relaxes into a small but genuine smile. “I'd love that”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the Skullship Peepers is running late. He didn't wake before dawn, like he usually does and he's stumbling to the kitchen in search of coffee. The cloth of his Lord Hater footie pajamas drags over his feet and he rubs his eye with a cloth covered fist. 

“I've got to make double check the invasion times and try to avoid Wander...mm coffee first.” he mumbles as he turns into the kitchen 

His mug is still by the coffee maker but the sharpie is wearing off and so it's looking a lot more like “The galaxy’s best Dad” and a lot less like “The galaxy’s best commander” he sighs he guesses it's more accurate. Last week he had to confiscate a night light from this tiny watchdog. He's sure that the kid is far too young to be here.  
He'd find drop him off in a foster home on some nice suburban planet but kids that join the army are normally running from something. If the kid idolizes Lord Hater he's looking for someone strong to protect him and the strength to protect himself. This has to be better than wherever he was before. Still he's a kid in the flarping army. Peepers rubs his hand over his face and sighs, he shouldn't have to deal with this, he's a commander not a social worker or babysitter. Glorn, he hates these idiots.  
He shouldn't have to deal with them, or Hater’s obsession with Wander or Wander himself! The guy’s like a cat for flarp’s sake he'd actually used a laser pointer on him before, if Hater could just ignore him they’d still be the greatest! The galaxy would revolve around Hater and their glorious conquest the way it used to. No one and nothing had mattered before it’d been just them Partners in crime.  
Then Sylvia had knocked his feet from under him and knocked the world off its axis. Ever since he'd admitted they're friends things have been different. They’d started texting, It started with quick texts as they coordinated to keep their idiots separated on really bad days. It quickly became venting, he’d complain about Hater’s ego and she’d complain about Wander’s recklessness. Of course when she saved her idiot he baked her cookies and thanked her endlessly. Stupid space hobos and their peace and love nonsense.  
He'd been jeal- uh, annoyed enough to leave her on read after that, but the next morning she’d sent him a picture of her working out with the caption “This is why I keep beating you” he still hasn’t recovered.  
Heat rushes to his face so fast he feels dizzy just thinking about it. Sylvia hanging from a tree one handed, muscles straining, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Sweat dripping down her forehead, her eyes fixed on the camera with an intensity and her lips curled into a teasing smile. He can almost hear her voice “Hey C-Peeps!” her laughter “if you keep your mouth open like that you'll catch flies.” It's his daydream so he should be able to say something clever and leave her blushing and speechless for once but even in his own mind he's helpless when it comes to her.  
Seriously? He's daydreaming about her making fun of him now? What's next daydreaming about getting beat up? That rush of adrenaline when she snaps her whip around his feet, the curve of her smug smile. That mix of admiration and surprise that lights up her eyes when he lands a punch. The hint of a smile that pulls at the edges of her lips when it actually hurts. “Not bad, pipsqueak” He always comes away bruised and battered but he has to admit she beats him senseless with style.  
He picks up the clipboard of battle schematics he'd left on the counter yesterday and slams it against his forehead. Attraction is a chemical reaction just like pain is a message sent to the brain from the nerves. It's just a reaction he can ignore it, so they're friends now big deal it's only based on mutual annoyance. Everything will be fine if he can just repress this.  
The coffee machine beeps and he sighs in relief at least something's going right. He goes to grab the sugar cubes but the beeping continues. He glances over at the machine in confusion it's still brewing so what's…? His communicator vibrates on the counter and beeps again. He flips it open and groans one of their informants has seen Sylvia and Wander on a nearby jungle planet. Well flarp, I guess I'm holding an emergency debrief and sending the army after them, he thinks. I bet no one will notice if I don’t go this time, I’ll just tell them I’m working on an invasion plan it’s not like anyone else pays any attention to the actual plans we have. I better think of some speech, it's too early for this. He stands on his tiptoes to reach the box of sugar cubes and with a look of bitter resignation empties the entire box into his mug.  
Ten minutes later he’s impeccably dressed in his uniform setting up a powerpoint in the auditorium as an alarm blares throughout the ship.“Emergency Debriefing! All Watchdogs report to hall B” He waits another ten minutes before pressing another button and winces as his voice echoes throughout the ship. “This is not a drill”. A few minutes later the watchdogs stampede into the hall and fall into formation silently awaiting orders. He can hear that kid in the back enthusiastically urging the others on. He jumps up and down trying to see. He’s shorter and chubbier than the other soldiers with a open childish face, olive skin and a wide green eye, Peepers would say he’s about twelve. If he was in charge of recruiting this would have never happened.  
“Uh, hey does anyone have a step stool” The kid asks loudly  
The army turns and stares at him with a mix of a annoyance and exhaustion.  
“Okay, yeah. That’s prob- that’s what I figured I’ll just-”  
Peepers sighs and starts the presentation he’d cobbled together. First the video the informant had sent him flashes across the screen. As always his eye searches for Sylvia. She leans against a tree next to a river that feeds into a lake. She’s using a makeshift fishing pole and humming softly a small content smile on her lips and her eyes half lidded against the sunshine. Wander lounges on a branch above her tuning his stupid banjo and she turns and gives him a bright, sweet smile. Peepers barely resists the urge to throw his remote through the screen. 

“Watchdogs, our informant has just told us two high priority targets are on a nearby planetoid”

He presses a button and the words “Most hated!” flash above Wander’s face and angry eyebrows and a mustache is scribbled across Wander’s face. “These two are number one” he presses a button and it shifts to Sylvia’s picture. “And number two on Lord Hater’s most hated list-” he looks up at the screen and realizes in horror that Sylvia’s picture is the one she sent of her working out and he’d absentmindedly scribbled little hearts on it. 

“Sir, what do the hearts represent?” a watchdog calls from the crowd 

Peepers briefly considers shooting the guy and just telling them he was being insubordinate but he’s not an idiot he knows they all saw that brunch and him talking to Sylvia when they were supposed to be capturing her. This may be just a chemical reaction but it could be devastating to his reputation and leadership. He turns on the watchdog with an almost feral smile, eye wide and wicked 

“They’re a reminder to aim for her heart when you shoot so we can see the mighty Zbornax bleeding out on the ground as we drag her best friend away in chains. We can watch for the moment she loses all hope and the life leaves her eyes.”

The watchdogs take a collective step back wide eyed and horrified, he smirks at them and clicks the button to the next slide.

“They operate against everything Lord Hater stands for!” A picture flashes on the screen of Hater’s head thrown back in a scream as Wander holds up two different sandwiches and Sylvia laughs in the background “All in the name of having fun”

The watchdogs seem to get behind the idea of the two valuing fun over what they’ve risked their lives for a few glare and gnash their teeth, some ball their hands into fists but most still just look tired 

“They're cunning, devious tricksters! Shiftless, indolent, and they don't shower very often….” Ah, flarp he’s rambling. What was the speech again? He’ll just invoke their loyalty to Hater that always works “They are enemies of the Hater Empire and that makes them your enemies!” 

Even the tired watchdogs start nodding and cracking knuckles he hears a few blasters charging up and sighs in relief. 

“And even though we’re the bad guys, these two are the real bad guys!” 

He keeps a mask of rage on his face as the watchdogs begin to rally but he can hear Sylvia’s voice in the back of his mind caustic and cruel. “Wow, real inspirational C-Peeps. You’re right we’re heartless monsters with how we’re liberating planets and saving thousands from natural disasters! I mean really who could call the army that harrases people weaker than them anything but heros! Excuse me while I find your medals”

“If we can stop these two idiots there will finally be no one to stop us from spreading fear and hate throughout the entire universe!” he says louder than necessary. Trying to drown out how clearly he can imagine Sylvia’s laughter and her smirk “So should I hold out on those medals or-” she’d call.  
The watchdogs stomp their feet on beat and chant “Hate’s great, best villain” as they file out to be deployed. The kid trips and falls chanting off beat as he runs after the others. He sighs deeply, maybe if he leaves him there Wander and Sylvia will find him something better to do. The kid’s just a liability at this point and he definitely doesn’t know what to do with him. Besides maybe if they’re busy with him, they’ll leave them alone.  
He needs a couple weeks to force himself to delete the pictures of Sylvia from his phone and to stop hearing her voice and imagining her laughter. It’s got to take them awhile to rehabilitate the kid let alone find him a good home, right? He slides into his seat at the helm of the ship and lowers the ship with practiced ease. He lowers the skullship’s tongue so the soldiers can march out. He waits and watches them from a monitor he’s not expecting much, but he has to be ready on the off chance they actually catch them.  
As the watchdogs march he grabs his coffee mug and picks at the fading sharpie. On the monitor Sylvia is running with an annoyed look on her face as Wander plays an upbeat fast paced tune on his banjo and scats happily. Laser blasts fly past them as they run, one singes Wander’s hat and he suppresses a wince as Sylvia’s hit on the small of her back. He closes his eye and grinds his teeth, when he first met her he would have been elated to see that she’d actually been hit. Flarp this, flarp him.  
On the monitor Sylvia leaps across a canyon as his army falls in. Wander is waving cheerily on her shoulders and her brow is furrowed in concentration but she’s grinning and cheering. He hits the speaker and screams at the idiots while lowering the skullship’s tongue. He watches them march onboard and mentally reminds himself to work on those jetpack designs while he continues to scream at them.The kid of course is a step behind and falls down the canyon after the rest are on the ship.  
He peels out leaving the kid hanging from a branch above the canyon with Wander and Sylvia and sighs deeply. “Okay. I'll just-”

His communicator vibrates on the dash and he rolls his eye as he snaps it open 

“Commander Peepers, sir! This is Private Westley, reporting in”

Peepers scrubs grease from his gloves, he can't remember a Westley. Was it Leslie that annoying cook who kept asking for more vegan options?

“Leslie? Listen I told you we don't have the budget for that nonsense I've got an military to arm-”

“No, not, um not Leslie, Westley, with a W, as in Wander. Anyway, you kind of um...left me behind, could you come pick me up?”

Oh my glorn, he thinks, how is the kid not terrified of him? Has he not noticed his complete and utter disgust in all of them? 

“Did you capture Wander and Sylvia” he asks dryly 

“No sir, I uh – I-I-I haven't captured Wander and Sylvia. That's not like, the only reason you'd come back for me, right?”

“What other reason could there possibly be?” 

“Maybe because I'm a good soldier and you like me?”

Peepers remembers the kid bumbling through every drill and invasion and laughs loud and long into the receiver

So, uh...just to be totally clear, I should...not be expecting a pickup?”

Peepers laughs until tears gather at the corner of his eye and he hangs up with a shake of his head. 

“Kids” he mumbles. 

He pulls up a holographic battle schematic and goes to move sections of the army, but before he can even let his finger touch the screen his communicator vibrates again and he sighs it's probably Hater telling him he's going to go either hang out with or fight Awesome. He snaps it open and winces at the loud excited babbling on the other side. He pulls it back with a glare only half listening 

“Commander Peepers, sir! Westley, reporting in! Again!”

“My glorn, why?” Peepers groans “Andy, I've told you a thousand times I'm not going to do an interview for your stupid show.” 

“Uh. It's Westley”

“Leslie?” Peepers rubs his eye “How many times do I have to say it! I'm not increasing the flarping kitchen budget”

“Uh, no- there's not even a Leslie on the ship- I'm Westley. We just talked like, two minutes ago.”

“Do you think you're the only thing I've had to deal with in the last two minutes!” Who is he even talking to? Wait, is it that kid? Shouldn't he be making flower crowns and singing to woodland creatures by now?

“Yes, Sir! I mean no, Sir! I mean never mind. I'm happy to report that I've captured Wander and Sylvia! 

Peepers bursts into laughter. Right, of course the kid caught Wander without getting sucked up into his stupid games.The weirdo has superhuman speed and agility and the chubby little kid has somehow caught him within the first ten minutes of being left alone with him. Sure, and he fought Sylvia and won. She wouldn't even have to fight the idiot she'd just pick him up and chuck him back into the canyon he crawled out of. 

“No, I'm serious, I did, I totally did, they're my prisoners and everything”

“Sure you did, kid. Do you even know what they look like?”

“Yeah! Floppy hat, big goofy grin, and...a dumpy, grumpy Zbornak.”

Dumpy, right. No one who has ever been within ten feet of the Zbornax would call her dumpy. It's not that she’s the kind of beautiful that makes people trip over their own tongues when they first meet her. Or the flashy, vapid kind of beautiful you see on holograms or from Awesome.  
She’s the kind of beautiful that catches you off guard. He's not sure when he first noticed how beautiful she is. He doesn't know when he stopped looking for weaknesses to target and just looked at her, but once he had he couldn't look away. She's beautiful in the worst way. He groans, he's almost as annoyed with his own thoughts as he is with this kid. He rolls his eye and sips at his coffee. 

“You sure you want to stick with that story because when I come to pick you up and they're miraculously gone-”

“Sir! I promise you I have them!” the kid whines 

“Fine, fine but I'm Hater’s going to be ticked when he gets his hopes up for nothing.”

“Thank you, Sir” 

“Yeah, yeah I'll pick you up tomorrow on that mountain. You better have them.”

“Great I'll see you then” the kid says and Peepers can practically hear him beaming. 

Peepers sighs and snaps his communicator shut. “Right, the kid’s going to catch them and that jungle planet’s going to be covered in snow.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------

The next morning Peepers gapes at the snow covered mountain they’ve landed on. 

“Wasn’t this a tropical planet?” he mutters 

“Who cares” Hater whines “Why are we here? I’ve got brunch plans”

Peepers resists the urge to tell him sleeping in and eating donuts at noon while complaining isn’t ‘brunch plans’ as he watches his best friend pout.

“We just landed, sir. I’m sure you won’t miss your, uh plans.”

Hater glares at him and Peepers sighs and rolls his eye fondly, he doesn’t want to wait around on a mountain top any more than Hater does. But he can’t just leave, there’s a small chance Sylvia convinced Wander to not foster a kid hell bent on capturing them and delivering them to a warlord was a bad idea and they just saved the kid and left him somewhere safe for the night. 

“Well, I’m sorry, sir but I thought it’d be worth checking out.” 

Hater crosses his skeletal arms and his foot taps impatiently “Fiinnne, but if he doesn’t show in five seconds we’re leaving”

Peepers shrugs, the kid’s probably in a suburb by now studying for the seventh grade spelling bee and playing soldier in the backyard instead of on his ship.

 

“Five Hater’s awesome” Hater yells dramatically over the mountainside, Peepers stifles a laugh and Hater gives him a smile and a sideways glance

“Four Hater’s awesome, three Hater’s awesome, Twooo Hater’s awesome” he calls scaring all the nearby birds. 

Hater sticks his tongue out at them as they fly away and Peepers grins behind a gloved hand. Suddenly having to wake up so early and hang out on a freezing mountain top doesn’t seem so bad. The other watchdogs don’t share the sentiment. He can hear them grumbling about how cold and hungry and tired they are. They can’t wait long or he’ll get suckered into giving them a mass cocoa break and maybe a nap break.  
He didn’t used to have to deal with this, but somewhere between Wander spoiling them and Peepers having to take of Westley. They'd gotten jealous and started guilt tripping him.“Wander would let us have an open mic night!” “But you carried Westley to the barracks when he fell asleep!” He rolls his eye.

“One Hater’s awesome!” Hater finishes, looking around in annoyance at the barren mountain. Peepers can tell the rest of the day is going to be spent drinking cocoa and complaining if he doesn’t placate him.

“I’m sorry, sir I knew he wasn’t watchdog material” he says, making a gesture at the watchdogs and taking Hater’s arm to steer him back to the ship. 

“Wait!” a high pitched voice shouts

Peepers jaw drops at the sight of the kid bursting up the side of the mountain, he has his blaster leveled at Sylvia and Wander who he’s pushing in front of him.

“What-what! I-” he sputters gesturing at the kid in utter bafflement. 

He’s ignored as the watchdogs surge forward and roughly throw Wander and Sylvia through the doors. The laughter, cheers and jeers are deafening. 

“Westley! Westley! Westley!” they chant, stomping and clapping on beat as they hoist the kid into the air.

The kid looks like all his dreams are coming true. Hater’s whole face lights up at the sight of Wander in chains and he practically skips after them. 

“What the flarp” Peepers calls after them, confusion giving way to suspicion “Yesterday he couldn’t complete a single drill! I had to cut the crusts off his sandwiches, during the meetings he was reading comic books!”

The crowd keeps chanting even Hater joins in.

“We’ve sent the best of our best after them! Watchdogs that have trained extensively! Hater and I have been chasing them all over the galaxy, how in glorn’s name did a kid catch them!”

The crowd winds through the skullship to the cell block.

“Doesn’t anyone think this is the slightest bit suspicious?”

He’s ignored. Peepers rolls his eye and sighs in exasperation,through the crowd he catches sight of Sylvia. Her head is lowered and her vibrant pink hair falls in her face shielding her from the world, but he can see how hard her teeth sink into her lip. He can see how her hands shake slightly in the chains

“What are you doing?” he hisses, he thinks his voice is lost in the crowd but Sylvia turns and flips the hair out of her face. Her eyes fix him with a rage that sears into his very soul.

Her perfect lips curl into a snarl as she mouths “Flarp you” 

She’s normally not even mad at him after all the fighting and threats.He can throw every insult he can think of at her and she’ll laugh in his face. She’ll threaten him or knock him around if he puts Wander in danger, but she does it with a smile. He’s never seen such a look of fury on her face and he’s never seen it directed at him.  
What did he do? She’s the one playing weird mind games, they don’t let themselves get caught and if they do it’s for the sole purpose of messing up an invasion or something. He throws his arms up in exasperated confusion, but she’s shoved into a wall as she’s led into the corridor and out of sight. He races after the crowd and watches as they take Wander from her. Her eyes widen and Wander’s small frown widens as he’s led off to a different cell block.

“If you so much as think about laying a flarping hand on him I’ll rip you from limb to limb” Sylvia’s voice is like thunder and her eyes flash like lightning as she kicks and gnashes her teeth at the nearby watchdogs, fury and fear mixed in her expression.

“It’ll all be okay, Syl” Wander calls giving her a optimistic smile

“But-” fear bleeds into her tone and she reaches a chained hand after her friend.

She’s shoved into a cell so hard she falls to her knees, the cell is locked behind her.

Peepers watches with a wide eye, he’s never seen Sylvia react with anything but annoyance and contempt to all their attempts to torture her and Wander, she’s been dangled over lava, had deadly bolts of lighting arc inches above her head. She’s been shot at, beaten and threatened with every weapon in this galaxy and she’s faced it all with an unimpressed scowl. What did Westley do? This isn’t a plan is it, Westley actually caught them. He guesses he wants to win, to rule the galaxy at Hater’s side, but he’s never considered the reality of that. What happens when this game ends? What happens when they actually catch Wander and Sylvia?  
He’s swept away by the cheering crowd and into the celebration, there’s music and laughter and dreams of galactic rule. He’s wanted this for so long, all he wanted was for them to move on from silly distractions so he can fight side by side with his best friend. He should be laughing and dancing too. He should be doing a overly complicated handshake with Hater and watching the watchdogs try to do the moonwalk. But the way Sylvia’s voice broke when she called out after Wander replays in his head louder than the music and laughter.  
There’s a ceremony and Peepers stands by Hater’s side numbly as they literally sing Westley’s praises. 

“Private Westley, today you have made us all truly proud. For your totally evil deed, of capturing Wander, and Sylvia, I am proud to present you the Official Lord Hater Medal Of Evil!” Hater says grandly

Peepers feels his eye twitch, they don’t have medals this is ridiculous. Hater holds out a golden medal engraved with his face, hanging from a black ribbon Peepers does a double take. Hater settles the medal around the kid’s neck and gives him a genuine smile, something almost like pride shining in his eyes. Westley looks up at him with wide awe filled eyes, the medal is much too big and falls over his neck. Hater laughs and adjusts it, tying a knot in the ribbon so it’ll stay and ruffling the kid’s hair.

“You did it, Westley!” Hater says, lifting the kid up so he can look him in the eye and Peepers can see tears shining in the kid’s eye.

“No longer will Wander and Sylvia, be free to spread, their dangerous, fun-loving ways, throughout the galaxy!”

“B-but-” Westley stutters

Slowly the crowd of watchdogs fall silent and turn to him expectantly, Hater raises an eyebrow ridge and Peepers looks into the kid’s wide tear filled eye. For a second he thinks Westley will tell them what happened, he meets the kid’s eye. But the moment passes and Westley looks away with a sigh too heavy to be contained in such a small body. 

“Hate’s great, best villain” he says, his voice small and his big brown eye full of guilt

Peepers’s fist clenches at his side.

Hours later the party is still raging on the laughter and music is so loud it can be heard from Peepers’ room where he’s perched on the edge of his bed, he’s in his pajamas with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders he told himself he was going to bed hours ago. He twists a screwdriver into the side of a pair of atomic bronze knuckles.

“She’s totally messing with me” he mutters “I mean it’s not that I care-” he stares at the carefully crafted atomic bronze knuckles that are shaped to Sylvia’s fists and hers alone.

“Shut up, this could be for anyone” he tells the bronze knuckles. They remain inanimate and silent but he swears they're judging him.

“They could” he insists “and I don’t care! Not really.” 

One of the bronze knuckles slips from his grasp and falls onto his mattress and he glares at it 

“Okay, fine! Fine, I’m concerned because I’m a sucker even though she’s probably perfectly fine and is just planning something like a stupid surprise party for some watchdog whose name I can’t even remember! They’re probably giving Westley a chance to say goodbye and get his things before they go on an adventure and take him to a perfect family-”

He sighs and pushes the other bronze knuckle to the floor. 

“She’s totally screwing with me. She’s probably not still in that stupid cell” his foot taps an anxious rhythm against the floor and he realizes with a start that it’s the only sound in the skullship. He opens his door and peers down the hall, it’s dark, empty and silent. Everyone has gone to sleep and he’s alone with his thoughts and a pair of bronze knuckles.

“Fine, I’m worried sick about her and I haven’t stopped thinking about her for almost two weeks! Fine, but I’m not going to check on her, because she’s not even going to be there.” He wraps his blanket around his shoulders a little tighter as if to prove he’s not moving from his room.

“What would I even do there? Sleep on the stupid wooden cot just because she was there like some kind of lovesick idiot” Heat rushes to Peepers’ face and he sighs before accepting his fate and pacing through the winding corridors to Sylvia's cell.  
Sylvia is curled up on the wooden plank that barely passes for a mattress, her hands curled into tight fists and her eyes dull as she watches the starlight through the bars of her cell.  
Peepers freezes he didn’t expect her to actually be here how is he- how is he possibly going to deal with this. Sylvia rolls over at the sound of his footsteps and looks him over arching a single eyebrow. He becomes painfully aware that he’s in sweatpants and a ratty old t-shirt. He’s run his hands through his hair so many times in the past hour that it's probably a mess and despite how hard he’s trying he can’t hide the tension in his shoulders anymore than he can hide the blanket draped over his shoulders.  
He can’t stop himself from pacing or his brows from furrowing in concern. This is her cue to laugh at him and tease him for thinking she’d ever let herself come close to being executed by a bunch of optic nerds. But the script’s all wrong, she shouldn’t have been caught in the first place, she shouldn’t be lying here so late as if she’s going to just lay there until dawn. She shouldn’t be awaiting her own execution. He forces himself to be still and looks at her waiting for an insult or a hint of her impending escape but she doesn’t tease him. She lowers her head and slumps back onto the cot, she doesn’t even raise her head in acknowledgement and he can see she’s shivering slightly in the darkness. He never knew it got so cold at night in the prison block. He draws closer and she just stares vacant and cold.  
He draws close enough to the bars that he expects her to lunge forward, grab a handful of his shirt and slam him against the bars. But she just barely raises her head and meets his eyes. They stand there for a moment, eyes locked. Hers are narrowed in suspicion and bitterness his is wide and anxious. His fingers fidget with the blanket on his shoulders and he fights the urge to offer it to her.

“What are you doing?” he demands breaking the spell.

“Trying to get my last night of sleep” she says coldly “what, were you demoted to guard duty?”

He runs his hand down his face in aggravation “I mean why did you even let the kid catch you? I know he didn’t manage it on his own, he can’t finish a single drill without tripping over his own feet!”

She sits up and stares at him hard “Let?” she rises from the plank and it sways. 

“I didn't let anyone catch me, Peepers” she says his name with such venom, he shudders 

“Wander wanted to help the kid. He's a soldier of an evil regime hellbent on capturing us but we helped him. Because of course we did.” She snorts a bitter laugh and stalks toward the bars, until her face is pressed against them

“We kept him safe and taught him how to have fun even in dangerous situations. I carried him when he fell asleep and put him in footie pajamas. He fell asleep curled up on my stomach in Wander’s hat. I made him soup and we watched the snow fall and he flarping-” She trails off and looks away with a look of pain that hardens into disgust when she turns back to him “Congratulations, Peepers you made a perfect child soldier”  
Peepers leans up even further and glares at her 

“Child soldier?! I didn’t recruit him! I didn’t want him here, he’s a flarping kid! I went to check on on of Hater’s conquered planets once and I come back to see this kid has stowed away! I asked Hater about it but he still asks me if he has to feed the watchdogs batteries!”

Sylvia snorts a laugh and he looks up to see a smile tugging on the corner of her lips. She’s apparently stopped blaming him long enough to laugh at him. 

“Doesn’t he know you’re a watchdog?” 

Peepers gives her a look of utter exasperation and shrugs helplessly

“I don’t even know! I asked the other watchdogs but they all thought he was someone’s kid visiting so I’ve been confiscating junk food and comic books and nightlights for months!”

Sylvia smiles at the idea of Peepers scolding Westley with an armful of confiscated candy or him trying to put the hyperactive kid to bed, before biting her lip. How dare he come here looking adorable with his cute pajamas and that blanket draped over his shoulders. How dare he let his messy hair spill into his face, how dare he look up at her wide eyed and honest. She just wants to throw her arms around him and kiss the top of his bedhead. How dare he be reasonable and sweet and melt away all her anger just like that! 

“I had to keep him away from the older soldiers in case they swore or scared him. Apparently he was a fan of Lord Hater so he hitchhiked from planet to planet until he could sneak on board! I tried to keep him in the kitchen, in accounting or anywhere but with the soldiers. He’s so stubborn and is constantly following everyone around! I only sent him on this mission so you’d whisk him away, I’m sure you could have found him a good home-I- I’m not even good how was I supposed to..” he groans and slaps his palm over his face. 

Her eyes soften as she watches him and the last of the disgust and anger she’d held against him starts to dissolve. Of course, he hadn’t recruited a child. He may be cruel but not that cruel. She almost wants to tell him that Wesley had come to her after he’d come to Wander. She almost wants to describe the kid’s sheepish apologies and how he’d shifted from foot to foot nervously. She kinda wants to tell him how he mimed out his escape plan and how cute his imitation of an explosion was. “Pschooo!” But that would jeopardize their escape and more important Wesley’s chance at finding a normal childhood. He’s annoying sure, but they aren’t going to rest until they set him up in a good home and she isn't going to risk all that just because Peepers is jealous the kid captured them when he couldn't.  
She realizes a little belatedly that he’s still ranting his face tilted towards hers as he grips the bars. “-so annoying! I had to orchestrate Hater a whole pity party and bring him ice cream before he’d get out of bed! So don’t try to raise his hopes again by escaping late it’s obnoxious and only upsets him!”

“Who?”

“Hater! Weren’t you listening? Ugh, stupid zbornak! Just take your weirdo and escape before Hater gets too excited about your execution.”  
She shakes her head and bites her lip “I’m not escaping tonight, Peepers”

He stops mid argument his brows furrowing “What do you mean you’re not-” he laughs incredulously “what you’re just going to get electrocuted? Come on-”

 

Sylvia shrugs “In case you haven't noticed you’ve updated your security and I can't even talk to Wander. What could I possibly do?”

“What could you-” Peepers throws his hands up in exasperation “What you need my help making escape plans now? Come on, you’re going to escape just like you do every other time.”

Sylvia gives him another shrug and takes a step back from the bars.

Peepers presses himself even closer to the bars “What no comeback? No escape plan? You expect me to believe you’re just going to die in the morning? Zbornax!”

She takes a step back further and shakes her head silently. Panic settles in the pit of his stomach. He tries to comprehend it, he turns the thought over in his head. Sylvia's going to be executed in the morning. Sylvia, who he saw take on an entire army non lethally and single handedly just so her friend could have the chance to safely play tag with one of the galaxy’s most feared warlords. Sylvia is going to be dragged off in chains, gagged and lowered into a lava pit. Sylvia who laughs so hard she snorts at ridiculous eye puns.  
Sylvia the only one who’s never said anything about how he's the only Watchdog with two eyes. She’s never asked how he lost it or looked at him with that stupid, condescending pity. Sylvia who drinks black coffee and loves chocolate ice cream, Sylvia who takes goofy selfies with him and texts him puns after she defeats him. She'll never admit it but he knows she's trying to cheer him up. Sylvia who he watched walk into an army infested planet where she would certainly be imprisoned and tortured for life again and again to save her friend who threw every escape attempt away. Sylvia who outwits him again and again. Sylvia, one of his closest friends. Sylvia, the girl who’s eyes hold the entire galaxy. The girl who smiles like a solar flare, the brightest in the galaxy.  
His Sylvia. Gone.

He frantically searches through his pockets for the keys to her cell and fights the urge to blast the door off its hinges. 

“Zbornax! You take your wandering weirdo and you get out of here right now, you absolute idiot!” He hisses at her. 

She spins on her heel and stares at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and blazing eyes. Of course, he's mad about that! Of course he’s worried about Hater’s feelings and their precious empire. Glorn, why did she have to get a crush on him. He couldn’t care less if she dies here.

“Why do you even care?” she spits back, getting in his face “Once Wander’s gone Hater will be back to his despicable self and you can go back to being a galactic bully! You won’t need anyone to complain to or help you babysit so why the hell would you care if I died? I know you only consider me a ‘friend’ because I’m useful at the moment.”

“Don't care-” Peepers growls in a low, slow voice “You think I can't care.”

He snatches the fabric of her shirt and pulls her flush against the cell bars. She almost gasps, this isn’t what they do. This isn’t, what is he- her mind stutters into silence as he leans in. He takes a breath, there in the space between them and she can feel it against her lips like the ghost of a kiss. He’s staring at her his eye flashes in the starlight and for the first time when she sees the flecks of gold in his eye she doesn’t think of sunlight. She thinks of the sun itself, intense and all consuming.  
She can feel the heat of his body, she can feel his breath, she can hear his heartbeat race and her own heart stutters in her chest. His grip on her shirt tightens and his other hand reaches through the bars to trail across the back of her neck with a tenderness she’d never expect. His fingers curl around the back of her neck and every place his fingers brush seems to burn. 

Slowly he tilts her face to his. The only thing separating them is the bars and the space between their lips. 

“Sylvia, you are one of the only people in this galaxy, I care about” 

She gasps as his breath falls against her lips so warm and so very, very close. This is dangerous, more dangerous than anything they've done to each other before. There will be no going back, but it's too late they're a supernova in the making and this is the first spark. She leans forward and the only thing separating them is the bars.  
Peepers’s fist falls from her shirt the second her lips touch his, his eye flutters shut, he melts completely at her mercy. He wants- needs to respond to give her what she wants, anything-anything she wants if only she’ll kiss him a little longer. His knees are so weak he can hardly stand and his lungs begin to burn from the lack of oxygen but he'd rather asphyxiate and die than miss a second.  
She pulls away, taking her hands from his skin like she's been burned the second she does Peepers falls to his knees at her feet like a marionette whose strings have been cut. She presses a hand to her chest and takes a step back, panting for breath. Leaping over canyons, being shot at and even dodging missiles, nothing has made her pulse race like this. Peepers stares up at her as if she hung the stars in the sky, as if he never wants to see anything but her again. He blinks and when he opens his eye, the brown gold flecked sphere of his iris is curved in the shape of a heart. Sylvia didn’t know that was possible, but the warm brown of his iris is heart shaped and fixed on her with an intensity that takes her breath away. Worse yet is the dreamy smile overtaking his face.  
Sylvia raises a trembling hand to her lips, the dark fringe of her eyelashes shield wide violet eyes as she takes a step back, looking at anything but him. 

“Sylvia!” Wesley calls, running into the cell block and “Wander’s all set and I looped the security footage on all the cameras so they'll replay the last hour before we stage the getaway, you were just looking sad on your bed for an hour, right?”

He skids to a stop and almost falls on his face at the sight of Peepers.

“Wha-”

“He came to gloat and I beat him senseless. Like I do all the time. Yknow just” she punches the air in front of her and laughs nervously 

Westley looks skeptically at Peepers whose gaze hasn't shifted from her as he remains frozen

“He's totally out of it don't worry!” Sylvia says, her voice higher pitched and faster than normal

Westley’s brow furrows in confusion “How did you beat him up when you're in a cell?”

“I slammed him against the bars!” Sylvia scowls at him “Do you need a demonstration! Come on, kid he won't stay knocked out forever.”

Westley glances sideways at his ex- commander’s eyes, they’re wide open but glazed over, but he looks happier than Westley shrugs as he unlocks Sylvia’s cell “I don’t know, Sylvia, he looks kinda awake”  
Sylvia steps out of her cell and arches an eyebrow at him before placing a finger on Peepers’ forehead. Peepers collapses at her slightest touch his lips forming her name as he falls to the floor, helpless and lovestruck. Sylvia tears her gaze from the sight, feeling heat flood her face.

“Okay, let’s go!” Sylvia all but yells, grabbing Westley’s hand and bolting out of the room.

Peepers lies on the ground staring at the ceiling but not seeing it as starlight plays over his prone body, he wraps his arms around himself and lets his face relax into a smile that makes his face ache

“She kissed me” he whispers softly, propping his head up on his elbow

“She kissed ME.” he says a little louder, pulling himself to his knees

“SYLVIA kissed me” he says even louder, rising to his feet 

“Sylvia KISSED me” he shouts, throwing his arms around himself and spinning around the room. As he spins his eye falls on a security camera and he skids to a stop, so suddenly he falls on his face.

“I am so fired” he whispers, bolting to the security room. He throws open the door and pants for breath 

“Looking for something, Commander?” Andy asks, spinning around in the swivel chair and tossing a tape between his hands with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't normally use the lines to show POV change or the passing of time, let me know if you think it worked. Also I made Wander aromantic for two reasons.  
> 1\. Aromantic people are normally seen as robotic or cold and that's gotta suck so I thought making the cartoon embodiment of sunshine aro/ace would help  
> 2\. I'm pretty sure Wander has a crush on Hater, but they aren't the kind of couple that would work as a subplot because everything they do is so dramatic  
> Please let me know if you have any suggestions or constructive criticism, thanks


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